Baby Honey - H.S.

11

Rosie

I'm not sure why I'm hurt. I mean even if he confessed his feelings to me, I never said I like him back. He's single, he's a free 23 year old man, he can do whatever he wants.
But then why does it bother me so much that he kissed another girl?
I was sitting on the couch, in my pajamas with my second cup of tea, Anne was sitting next to me, knitting while the TV was on in the background on a low volume. I ended up telling her everything. Everything about my past and about my future and her reaction was not something I liked.
We cried together, this time it wasn't anything crazy like my earlier episode, it was just her showing me empathy. Once we both cleaned up we sat in the living room, just chatting about random things. It felt like she was my mum for a second. It's so easy talking to her.
But then I saw the picture on Twitter of Harry kissing that girl and I was furious. Not even the second cup of chamomile tea could keep me relaxed, that's how pissed I was.
Anne was disappointed in Harry but of course, she could never be mad at her son for too long. She tried to calm me down and talk to me about it but I kind of just shut down in front of her.
It was a few minutes later that I asked her if I could sleep in their only guest room and of course, she said yes. So I didn't waste any time to grab my bags and bring them over to the guest room.
I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but my mind couldn't seem to shut down. I tried reading a book, listening to music, watching videos on Youtube but none of them seemed to hold my interest. I was focused on one thing only, which was why Harry said he would wait for as long as he needed to if he wanted to be with other girls? I needed to know. I needed an answer and I needed it from him, not anyone else.
I'm not sure when I managed to fall asleep but when I did, I slept through the night. No nightmares, no dreams, no random waking ups. That's very rare.
In the morning I asked myself what I'm gonna do today. And the only fitting answer was to sit in the garden with a cup of coffee and write my journal. I promised I'd fill it with memories, and although yesterday was not a good one, I still want it in there.
On the first day of tour I wrote that I haven't fallen for him which was true. And I kept assuring myself that I wasn't falling for him for the past days. But then why did I feel so jealous yesterday? Was it because I felt like a homewrecker? Could be that, but I feel like even if it's scary to write down, I think I'm slowly starting to catch feelings for him. I can't do that and now Anne knows that too.

"Ro?" I hear the low voice of him coming from behind me and I stop writing. He's not close enough to see what's written in my journal but he can tell I wrote a lot.

I have to face him and I have to face him now. I could either act like I didn't see anything yesterday or confront him about it.

I click the top part of the pen in my hand so the tip disappears and I close my journal. I didn't turn around, I had a feeling he'd walk up to me. And he did.

He's standing next to the chair that's across from me, silently asking if he could take a seat. I nod my head slowly and he sits.

He doesn't look like he's slept at all last night. His undereyes are dark, his pupils are red and his cheeks are hollow. He looks exhausted, sitting in black joggers and a black hoodie.

"I want to explain." He's the one who speaks up first out of the two of us. I just wrap the blanket tighter around my body and wait for him to continue.

"I didn't kiss that girl." He starts and it has me snort out loud. "I'm serious. You can believe me or not but I didn't kiss her."

"She's a fan who had backstage access after the show and I was talking a group of them for a while, and so were the rest of the band. This girl asked for a picture, I said yes and out of nowhere she just kissed me." He continues, staring into my eyes the whole time. "I know I should've walked after her and told her off, and I know how badly I fucked up but I need you to believe that I didn't kiss her."