Baby Honey - H.S.

14

tw/ panic attacks, violence, abuse

Harry

I told myself I would never go on stage not feeling good about it. It's a promise I've been able to keep for years and it helped me through my career so far.

Except that right now the stage is the last place I wanna be.

Rosie told me it's best if we wait until after the concert for her to tell me about well, everything.

A part of me wanted to argue that nothing is more important than her but she was right. I can't cancel the concert now, the fans have bought their tickets, they travelled all the way here from their homes just to see the band. I owe them this much, so I'm gonna force myself in the mood to sing and get on stage to make them happy.

They are my greatest supporters and the people who give me my job. I'm incredibly grateful for the atmosphere they create at our shows and for supporting us through everything. Without them, we would've never put Ambrosia out and we wouldn't be here right now, playing some of the tracks in Liverpool to an arena full of people.

I skipped soundcheck to be with Rosie. We sat on the couch in my dressing room, wrapped in each other and calming ourselves down.

I rather not think about what made her so terrified when we were on our way here. It drives me crazy not knowing and being able to help her.

Seeing her panicked and powerless felt like a piece of me broke with her. She was so scared of everything. Even me. That's when I truly knew that whatever is going on in her head is bad. Very bad.

I wish nothing more than for her to be happy and well, and I try my best to make her happier. But I feel like until she talks to me it's not gonna work. I need to know what triggers her and make sure not to mention it in front of her. I want to create a safe place for her to live in, especially while we're on tour together. I know my friends also want that. They want her to be happy, not just because she's important to me but because she's important to them.

Sarah and Rosie developed a friendship that looks a lot like Mitch and I's, and I know for a fact that it makes Mitch happy. He likes Rosie. There's no one who wouldn't like her, she's so captivating, so sweet and funny. She's an incredible friend to all of us and I'm truly the luckiest guy that she chose to give me a chance and be my girlfriend.

My girlfriend. My Rosie. My baby honey.

My heart skips a beat thinking about her. I can hear her sweet laughter and smell her fruity scent when she's not around. I can see her brown eyes that look like honey in the sunlight, her dimples when she smiles, the frown on her face and the way her forehead creases when I make a joke that's not funny and she pulls her eyebrows together.

I fell deeply and madly in love with the Hungarian girl I met in a sketchy alleyway years ago.

Every risk I take is worth it. I'm putting my life and my heart in her hands and trusting her with it. I know she'll take the best care of it.

Stepping on stage and into the light feels wrong. I know I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in my dressing room with my girlfriend.

She's the most selfless person I know. She wouldn't hear of me staying with her and skipping the concert. She told me she would stop being my fan if I cancelled the show now, and she's right. She always is.

I close my eyes and start singing, getting lost in the lyrics and the way I felt while writing them.

I was a different person back then. I was careless, just having fun and ignoring everything in life. I dropped out of college in my first year to write songs and play them to record labels. Just me and my rusty old guitar.