Candied Secrets- A. Morozova

Matter to darkness

A trip to Tsibeya. The rumored home of Morozova's stag. 

I had nearly forgotten about that afternoon in the library. Zoya Nazyalensky would go tiger hunting as a field trip with the special student club of the black General.

 Admittedly, I had been curious enough to enquire about the commotion that even I noticed was haunting the halls of the little palace. 

Preperations were made and people were being even more obnoxious than usually.

Maybe I was just the slightest bit envious that I wouldn't be invited to the trip as well... or a lot, actually. Ioan liked to tease me about it quite regularly.

"Materialki never receive amplifiers, saint Endelienta. It's obviously because we are no soldiers, so what use do we have being able to widespread and empower our talents?" He said as I painstackingly explained to him that no, I wasn't jealous that the Darkling hadn't given me a second notice instead of Nazyalensky.

 I was jealous because I coveted the power an amplifier could bestow upon me like every ambitious Grisha and because the more powerful an amplifier was, the longer the lifespan of a Grisha would become. 

And the stag was immortal. 

"It doesn't matter, anyways." He laughed.

"They might not even find the amplifier with how rare they are. Most likely it'll be a lot more trouble than it's worth and then they'll be ambushed for being on the enemys territory, while we'll be here. Grateful that we're third rate Grisha, with our behinds still intact." 

I rolled my eyes. 

"Now to more pressing matters. He's taking your mother with him again, isn't he? They have just returned from may the saints know where, simply to leave you alone again." Ioan seemed frustrated and indignated in my stead.

Hurt even.

"I'm fine with this arrangement. We can spend more time together if she's gone and she does have her duties..." I tried to calm him, console something I didn't grasp.

"No. You shouldn't be fine with it." He disapprovingly shook his head.

"You're always so removed from everyone and everything. The other children are envious of you, because your mother is here, with you. At least she cares and that is more than most of us can claim of their families. Don't you understand?" 

I wanted to ask him if he and his brother were one of those children, but I refrained.

Instead I remained quiet.

"I mean, we don't do anything but learn together. If I were not a Durast I'd seriously doubt you'd even spend any time with me."

How had we gone from the Darkling stealing my childhood to me being an unsociable narcissist?

He was making an accusation based on my reacting differently than he would in this situation, but forgot that I was in fact not him but very much my own person. It aggravated me.

"That is hardly the case. Furthermore, this is a defamatory statement of which you do not possess any evidence to confirm it." I spoke coldly.

He raised his quizzical brow- It wasn't humorous anymore.

"Tell me. Are you my friend, Endellion?"

I stayed quiet.

"Honestly. Because I don't think you are."

Was I? Did I want to be? Should I affirm it just so he'll stay? Just so he'll cease arguing?

"You're not... yet. I don't easily form attachements."