The Story of Me

Crying Sucks

4/22/15
Crying sucks
I don't cry because I'm sad.
I cry because I've been sad and I didn't cry then. All the emotions build up kinda like a reverse version of Jenga. Instead of taking the blocks out till it falls, it's more like you keep adding and adding more blocks till it falls.

Well my tower fell today.
I cried longer than I usually do, because I felt so broken. The funny thing is that in front of everyone I look and act like I'm in one piece but I'm really not.

Alex has ignored me for two days and it hurt me so much. He's being distant from me... He wouldn't kiss me today and I feel like he doesn't trust me anymore... I know relationships aren't easy but damn... I don't know anymore I still really like him, I might even love him, but ignoring and avoiding me is not going to solve our problems... Actually that might cause more problems... Because of him ignoring me I cried several times today...
I don't understand, I'm trying the best girlfriend I can be but I feel like it's not good enough... I want him to try too. I want him to trust me like I trust him

~xHEREx~

4/24/15
I'm in so much emotional pain right now... Alex put me through all this just to break up with me... Just like that... I felt like he enjoyed my emotional distress. Before I met him I was rock the only I showed my emotions was in the book, I rarely cried, I rarely felt empathy and alway had my walls up. But with him I let my walls down, I let them down. I became emotional to show him I wasn't heartless... But it ruin everything... Because of him I'm an emotional disaster. I never felt this emotional about a break up. Not with Nick, not with Dustin, not with Zack, not with anyone but Alex.

I shouldn't have opened up to him.
I knew he was going to do it, breaking up with me. How you ask? Well before I talked to him my heart started beating painfully fast and hard, it hurt every thing around it, my lungs, my ribs, and my diaphragm. I started having a hard time breathing and I'm stomach was turning almost violently. My body knew something bad was about to happen. But I pursued it anyway and now look at me, I'm single and not with the one person I ever had an emotional connection with.
I'm gonna be so lost now I don't what to feel or not to feel anymore

~xHEREx~