Humbling Spot Conlon (A Spot Conlon Love Story)

Ch. 13: Arrogant, Selfish, Entitled Son of a-

I avoided Spot for the next week. I didn't tell the boys about my secret, and I didn't want Spot to know that I wasn't going to. I wanted him to forget about the whole thing.

One day, I was out selling my papes, and Race came up and started talking to me, which was strange because his selling spot was nowhere near mine.

"Spot's lookin' for ya," He told me.

"Busy."

"He was callin' you a she," The look on his face would've made me laugh if what he said wasn't so bad. Dang it, Spot! I froze, trying to think of an excuse.

"Err, he was probably drunk or somethin'," I blurted. Race just nodded. Phew, I was scared that wouldn't be convincing enough. He probably didn't think the possibility of me being a girl was high. I was surprised no one was ever suspicious. I mean, I was fifteen and my voice was quite high. That wasn't particularly normal.

"Where was he?" I asked. I needed to know so I could stay as far away from him as possible.

"Near Medda's theater."

"Thanks." I headed off in the opposite direction, leaving Race confused.

He began to follow after me, so I walked faster. He picked up the pace as well. This kept going on until we were both running. Then, of course, I tripped, getting a faceful of road. Just my luck.

I spat dirt out of my mouth. Race nearly toppled over from laughing so hard. I just glared up at him from the ground.

"Help me up already," I demanded, reaching my hand out. Still laughing, he yanked me up from the ground.

"Medda's theater is the other way y'know," He informed me, gesturing the correct way.

"I know. I ain't goin' ta Medda's."

"But Spot-"

I waved a hand in his face to tell him to shut up. "Don't wanna talk ta him right now."

"Did ya get in a fight or somethin'? You were gettin' along fine like a week ago."

"I wish," I muttered under my breath. Getting into a fight means that I wouldn't even want to see him. Because at the moment I did, I was bored without talking to him ever.

"What?"

"Nothin'."

He looked unconvinced. "Alright, but he says it's important. Apparently it can't wait." He glanced behind me. "Never mind. It don't have ta."

An arm wrapped around my shoulders. I quickly jumped out of Spot's reach. He gave me a weird look. "What was that?" I tried to tell him that I hadn't told him yet. Apparently he's not good at reading faces.

"What're you doin'?" Spot and Race asked in unison.

I sighed. "Goodbye, Race." I pushed him down the road. He left, looking more confused than ever. Once again, if it were a different situation, I would've been laughing my head off.

"Why'd you do that?" Spot asked when Race was out of sight.

I tensed up, not sure what his reaction would be. "I haven't told 'em yet." He just shrugged.

"You can just tell 'em tonight though, right?" I scratched the back of my neck. "Right?"

"I... can't," I admitted.

"But you said-"

"I know what I said," I interrupted, "I wasn't thinkin'. Do ya know how long I've been keepin' this secret?"

He looked at the ground. "Three years. Since you were twelve. That makes ya fifteen, like me. That means that we have three years left of bein' kids. You think this is hard? It's only gonna get harder. Do ya want ta spend all yer life hidin'?"

"Spotty did math, did 'e?" I joked, trying to break the awkwardness. Clearly this wasn't the time.

"And I'm the one who can't take nothin' seriously." He rolled his eyes.

I fingered my locket, unsure of what to say. "I- I'm sorry," I said finally. It was a sad excuse for an apology, but I couldn't even tell what Spot was thinking. He just glared into space.

Then he glared at me. His gaze felt like he was stabbing my heart. I hadn't seen him look this mad since he found out Jack was a scabber. His glare alone made tears well up in my eyes.

"Spot..." I willed myself not to cry. His glare broke from me and traveled back to the ground.

He threw his hands up. "It's alright. I get it. You can't risk revealin' yer big secret."

"I can't."

He didn't respond. He stared at the ground. What was his problem? I didn't even do anything wrong here, I didn't even mean to agree. It was my secret and I should choose whether I kept it.

"You think I want it ta be a secret?" I asked, practically yelling, "Because I don't. But it has ta be." His eyes peered into mine. I couldn't tell what his expression was, but he didn't look happy.

"That's the thing. It doesn't have ta be."

How did he not get this by now? I lowered my voice, "Maybe it's just 'cause yer an actual boy who's never had ta worry about this, but you realize that everything would change? If I was suddenly a girl, and it was revealed ta the world, then I wouldn't even be able ta be a newsie anymore."

"What about me? You promised."

I scoffed. "You? What about me? The one with the secret. So it's my secret ta share. And I'm not gonna, so stop pressin'." I stopped for a second. "I do care, Spot. I hope ya know that. I just can't do it."

He shook his head. Then he shoved his hand in his pockets. "Sure." He started back in the direction of Brooklyn. I watched him leave in disbelief, my mouth agape. Did he think of anyone but himself?

I wasn't sure how to react. Could he not put himself in my shoes? He was the most self centered person I'd probably ever met. Why did I even like him in the first place?

All of the sadness that I was feeling only minutes ago replaced itself with frustration. "Ugh!" I complained to myself, "He is the most arrogant, selfish, entitled son of a-"

"Are you alright?" A voice said behind me. I cringed as I turned to face Beth. Why was she always here when I was in a bad mood?

"Fantastic," I said, gritting my teeth with my fists balled. She didn't look convinced but it was hopefully pretty obvious to her that I was furious.

She gestured to my clenched fists. "Right, because someone who is fine yells about an arrogant, selfish, entitled..." She trailed off, seeing my glare. " Anyway, who was that you were just talking to?"

"Spot Conlon, the King o' Brooklyn," I bitterly answered. Even just saying his name made me want to punch someone. "Why?" I tried to calm myself down, but it was difficult. My blood was still boiling.

She blushed slightly. This made me feel worse for some reason. "No reason. I just thought he was cute." She twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

"You think he's cute?"

She nodded, but when she saw my face she waved her arms around in an apologetic way. "Oh! Unless you and him are-"

"You can have 'im," I growled, storming away.

I wouldn't expect her to talk to him. I also would be surprised if he was interested in her. She seemed too... sweet. She was too much like all the other girls in the world. She was too easy. It was clear he didn't like what was easy.

It still baffled me that he felt that way about me. I mean, I was hardly classified as a girl. And I treated him the same as I would anyone else.

I kicked a rock, pretending that it was Spot. "Selfish jerk," I muttered to myself. Then I went to finish selling my papers.

***

ngl, i did not expect to upload this chapter today, i was so stuck

i'm not stuck anymore though *evil laugh*