A Secret Man of Blood

Bonus Material: Sig Speaks 5

Author's note: this is a bonus chapter, written with amusement in mind, and is not an actual continuation of the story. When it comes to competitions or awards, chapters labelled "Bonus Material" should not be judged as part of the story. Thanks for reading.

***

"...I am never following your advice again," Sig tells Gary.

"You didn't enjoy the art exhibition, then?" Gary asks, smiling and basking in his teasing of the Dwarf.

Stopping in the middle of the street, Sig stares his companion down and, in a voice dripping with irony, says. "The beast in me is howling with unmitigated joy...what the fuck was the dog thing?" He rants, while Gary struggles to hold back laughter. "A series of photographs of the artist's childhood: his mother feeding him from a bottle, his mother teaching him to ride a bike, his mother and him on holiday. Then, at the end of this trail of photographs, a sculpture of two dogs, one with the artist's face and the other his mother's, the dog with the artist's face fucking the dog with his mother's face up the arse. The title of the piece? Smeared in blood on the floor, naturally: DOGMOTHER."

Stifling a smile, Gary gives a tongue-in-cheek argument for artistic freedom. "Art is supposed to be provocative. It's a vivid attempt to conceptualise the human experience."

"Is it? Or is it just bullshit?" Sig removes a little sculpture from his pocket and examines it.

"What's that?" Gary asks.

"One of the artworks I stole. It looks like shit, so I figured it must be worth something." Before he can be chastised, Sig lifts up a hand. "I know! I shouldn't steal things...but it's my birthday."

"No, it isn't."

"Well...it's always somebody's birthday and, in my defence, I really wanted to do it."

"...Let's talk about another location featured in Book Two: Taburnia. Historically the main rival to Samaria, and with a population of 92 million compared to Samaria's 87 million (though the wider Samarian Empire has 320 million) Taburnia fell behind when it failed to forge an empire. While they're rivals who have fought minor wars in the past, Samaria and Taburnia have never been outright enemies; they share a common origin, both peoples having been refugees after the defeat of the Winter King, the Elvish nationalist leader who enslaved large swathes of western humanity until his overthrow by the human hero Bannan six thousand years before A Secret Man of Blood.

"The Taburnians are fighting a gruelling war with a powerful sorcerer called The Necromancer, who kills and then reanimates their forces, making it a controversial and dirty war as the public grow disaffected with its progress, much like America in Vietnam or Russia in the First World War. This has presented an opportunity for various politicians, revolutionaries and clandestine organisations to profit from the public anger, which is the situation as Book Two begins."

A phone rings and Sig takes it out of his pocket, explaining. "I'm just getting used to these things. Hold on—this could be important." Turning his back on Gary, he speaks much too loudly into the phone. "No, I need to speak to Brian. I've been waiting for his call. Can you get him?" With a shake of his head, Sig indicates the person on the other end of the line isn't listening and speaks again, sounding more annoyed this time. "Get Brian for me. Get Brian! Get. Brian. I wanna speak to Brian! Go and get Brian! I don't care! Go and get Brian!" He launches a tirade, leaving no space for reply. "Get Brian! Get Brian! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! Get Brian! Are you stupid or something? You must be the dumbest motherfu—get Brian! Get. Brian. Get Brian! Get Brian! GET BRIAN! GET BRIAN! GET BRIA—ARE YOU CRYING NOW? GET BRIAN! GET BRIAN! GET BRIAN!" A slight pause. "...Sorry, Brian, was it you all along? I didn't recognise your voice. Actually, you know what? I was thinking of someone else. Bye!"

Hanging up and turning around, Sig explains as if Gary wasn't standing three feet away the entire time. "That was Brian."

"...Was it? I'd never have guessed."

"Yeah," Sig presses on. "I wanted to talk to him about an idea I had for a sci-fi show, starring a handsome Dwarf who's also the captain of a starship with a mission to boldly go where no one has gone before..."

*

Wearing a figure-hugging bodysuit that not only doesn't flatter his figure but actively looks like it's bearing a grudge, Sig steps from his spaceship onto the alien planet. "I should warn you, captain," Spock advises him, "we're at the early stages of our negotiation with this alien race, but we do know they're very sensitive about their physical appearance. I would like you to be very careful when—"

As they approach an imposing figure, it turns around revealing an alien with a head that's like a pair of lips with a tongue sticking out of it. Eyes respectfully on the ground, Sig goes for a handshake but freezes as his gaze rises to its face. "Hi, it's nice to meet you—wow! You look like you're giving birth to your own head! You're a first-class freak, motherfucker!" Spock slaps his head in frustration, the alien rising and hissing angrily, fangs and tendrils sprouting from its skin. Sig turns to Spock. "...I think that's happy in his language."

*

"That's got me thinking," Gary says. "What are the readers' favourite science fiction shows/movies? For me it has to be Babylon 5, because I enjoy its mix of politics and conflict, both personal and galactic. I chose the name The Battle of the Line for the final conflict in A Secret Man of Blood as a reference to a scene from Babylon 5. I also love the humour of Firefly and Serenity, and the way they depict science fiction as basically a western in space.

"Bladerunner and its sequel, which I like almost as much as the original, are also personal favourites. Last but not least, the remake of Battlestar Galactica was surprisingly excellent with its claustrophobic sense of isolation in space and infiltration by groups of human-looking machines. If anyone has any recommendations for me, I'd be glad to hear them."