A Secret Man of Blood

Bonus Material: Sig Speaks

Author's note: this is a bonus chapter, written with amusement in mind, and is not an actual continuation of the story. When it comes to competitions or awards, chapters labelled "Bonus Material" should not be judged as part of the story. Thanks for reading.

***

Gary and Sig sit on chairs directly opposite each other like political gladiators, the former with a large stack of interview notes and the latter with a kebab wrapped in two-hundred betting slips on his lap. Licking grease from his fingers, Sig downs an entire bottle of whiskey as Gary waits. Finally, the Dwarf wipes his lips with the back of his hand and indicates that they can begin.

"So, Sig, we've finished the first book of A Secret Man of Blood. The last we saw of him, Squad was wounded and looking over the battlefield as dawn breaks on the horizon, so I suppose the first question is obvious. Is he well—"

"Hung? Get your mind out of the gutter, young man! I'm much too innocent to know anything about that...but, yes, he's like a stallion in a growbag."

"Thank you for that disturbing and informative answer," Gary quickly moves on, checking his notes. "Welcome to planet Earth! I hear you even got a job working for the police in this world."

Sig nods enthusiastically. "My speciality is hostage negotiation..."

*

A worried-looking family crowd around a phone, waiting for it to ring, as Sig sits beside another police officer, who explains to the family. "This is Sig: he'll handle negotiations for the return of your son. Don't worry. He's an expert in—"

The phone rings and Sig immediately picks it up. "Hello?"

A voice rings out, harsh and menacing. "We have your son."

"I don't have a son," Sig laughs, then hangs up. He looks around at the others, explaining as they stare at him in horror. "I'm sorry about that. Someone called claiming he had my son, even though I don't have one. What a total idiot!"

"It was my son!" the father shouts.

"...Why would your son kidnap my son, when my son doesn't exist?"

*

"They must have liked how I conducted myself," Sig explains. "Because, even though I was on a temporary contract, they asked me to re-sign immediately."

"No, they asked you to resign immediately," Gary corrects him. "Anyway, we've reached the end of Book One and that's sad in one way, but life is full of joyful experiences that often end prematurely—"

"Why did you look at me so pointedly when you said the word 'prematurely'?"

"I wouldn't say the look was pointed!" Gary laughs. "Anyway, getting back on topic: have you experienced any other changes since we last saw you at the end of A Secret Man of Blood Book One?"

"Well, I've got a new girlfriend," Sig explains.

"That's great, man," Gary smiles. "Back in the saddle, eh?"

"Na. She won't wear it—she says it's demeaning. But at least I'm having outrageous amounts of sex again."

"And the award for thing I most didn't want to hear goes to..."

Sig laughs. "Very funny, Colonel Weird Dick."

"Thanks," Gary salutes. "The next few bonus chapters will be a chance to joke, frolic and talk about some world details that might offer insight into the characters, the first book or its upcoming sequel. I'm going to finish this first section by asking the reader a question: which authors/books/TV series/old man yelling in the street have influenced your writing?"