A Secret Man of Blood

Chapter Fifteen

Bodies breathe softly in the sooty black.

Unlike Sig, Squad's enhanced spectre senses enable him to see well in the dark. "Be careful, there are fishing hooks in here," he whispers.

Sig scoffs. "How can a fish be so dumb that it gets stuck on a hoo—ah!"

"...You got stuck on a hook, didn't you?" There's the sound of heavy steps. "Sig, will you stop moving? You're so flat-footed!"

"I'm not flat-footed!"

"You sound like you're slapping the ground with two raw turkeys!"

Sig giggles. "I am!"

"You better not be! Anyway, I think we're done in here." There's the sound of two heavy, suspiciously turkey-like objects being thrown away, before Squad lights up the room with a handheld globe. He turns to Sig. "Thanks for agreeing to come with me."

Sig sardonically indicates the gimp suit he's wearing. "Yes, because clearly none of my other plans fell through at the last minute."

Squad laughs and shakes his head. "Well, I still appreciate it. And what's the best way to show your gratitude to someone?"

Sig thinks about this for a moment, his eyes lighting up. "Blowjobs!" he excitedly yells.

"...Okay. What's the second-best way to—actually, I don't even want to know, I'll just show you your gift."

With a flick of his wrist, Squad summons up a medium-sized black box and smiles at Sig. "Can you guess what's in here?"

Jumping up and down eagerly, Sig throws out his best guess. "Is it a decapitated head that's still alive and gives blowjobs?"

"...And that's the first place your mind goes to?"

Sig nods. "Yeah, but I'm not the best at buying gifts. Remember when my ex-girlfriend's dog died?"

The memory seems to pain Squad. "I remember."

"I got her an identical dog."

"Yes, but two dead dogs – what was the point in that?"

Sig throws his hands in the air. "You told me to get her a dog that was exactly like the one before.

"Yes, but the second one should have been alive!"

"I'm not a mind reader!"

A flick of Squad's hand dissipates the box. "I'll give you the gift later."

"Why are we even searching for these vampires?" Sig asks.

"Because Thomas Dukat helped save us and I want to pay him back. I don't like being in people's debt for too long."

"Oh, come on!" Sig complains. "Just because he helped you out, doesn't mean you have to do the first favour he asks for. Do you always fuck on a first date?"

"Before the first date, if possible," Squad smiles. "Anyway, this is exactly the sort of stuff we should be doing, until we get more information on Scipio. We save people; vampires eat people."

"Hey!" Their ally, the vampire Thomas Dukat, enters the abandoned warehouse. "Not everybody who eats people is evil, you know. That's just another form of racism."

Anya, who's been patrolling with Dukat, enters. "First Sig and now this guy: I always get the worst teammates!"

"I told you," Dukat calmly explains. "It's difficult for me to work with other men, because of my unbelievable sexual attraction. There's a...history there. Women can at least control themselves in my presence."