BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2015

Chapter 48- Why Did You Do It?

December 28th, 2015:

We had canceled tomorrow's show and we had flown back to Korea to get a couple of days of rest before the last award shows of the year. Taehyung and Yoongi obviously felt better, but were still quite weak. They were at their dorm resting while the rest of us were at Big Hit, except for Namjoon. It was his turn to visit the hospital because he slammed a door on his finger this morning. Apparently, he was getting bandaged and would be fine to perform.

"Should we bet on who's going to the hospital next?" Seokjin chuckles darkly.

I sigh, leaning my head back on the couch of the studio. There was so much uncertainty in the air and yet we wanted to act like everything was normal. It was tiring just pretending we weren't all exhausted from this. But then again, I guess we couldn't all just fall apart at the same time, otherwise, there would be no BTS left. We had to take turns falling apart.

"Are we going to perform as 5? Or 4?" Jungkook asks.

"Namjoon should be back soon," Hoseok responds, "and so far, Taehyung and Yoongi are intent on performing tomorrow".

"The doctors said they just needed rest, I'm sure they'll be fine to perform tomorrow," Jimin gives his two cents.

I get up and everyone stares at me.

"I'm going to get some fresh air," I say as I left.

"What's up with her?" I hear Jimin ask the remaining members.

"She's exhausted," Hoseok answers, just loud enough for me to still hear, "I think she's..."

I don't hear the rest, nor did I really have an interest in hearing. He was right, I was exhausted. I was running on so little sleep, even last night's sleep had been interrupted by bad dreams and stressful thoughts. I also hadn't had my period in three months now and I was getting worried about that. And then last night happened and it just seemed to send me over. I just needed things to go smoothly, but they were doing anything but that.

I open the backdoor to the outside and see Yoona outside smoking near the building. I walk towards her.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" she asks, surprised to see me.

"I needed air," I answer seriously.

She nods, looking at me worriedly.

"Just hang in there," she says, "2 more days and you can rest a bit more than you have been lately".

I just nod and look at the grey buildings surrounding us.

"Why did you become an idol Y/N?" Yoona questions me, looking at me intently.

"Why did you become a manager?" I question back.

Yoona chuckles and takes a drag of her cigarette.