- Ti amo - Dino fanfiction

Chapter 30. Pain

'Are you still mad at me?'

Sideswipe didn't reply as I settled at his table with a soft groan. 'Sideswipe, please... look at me.' He turned his head this time. 'What do you want me to say? You spied on her and me and I don't appreciate it,' he snapped. 'I am sorry, okay? I was just worried,' I sulked. 'Worried? Seriously? Do you even know how crazy that sounds? Don't you trust me with her?!'

'Of course I do. I just wanted to be extra sure. I don't doubt you or your skills. It's just... every time I look at her, it makes me happy. Seeing her with another guy makes me jealous I think. I know I'll never be able to make her smile like you do. I just wish I had that with her. I guess I just wanted to see her smile.'

Sideswipe's facial features softened. 'You taunt me. You know I am not capable of making her happy. That's why you took her, to make me jealous, didn't you?' He looked down at the table. 'It just seems like a horrible idea. She's doesn't belong with a guy like you. No offense but... you're right, you'll never be able to make her smile like I do.'

I didn't reply and played with my fork. 'I am in love with her. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on anything and I dream about her. Every time I look into her eyes, I get lost and forget about what I want to say or ask. It's wrong...'

'You know it's better if she finds someone of her own species. You know that...' I shrugged and slumped back. 'It would be selfish to try to make her mine. I don't want her to be with me because she has pity or whatever. I just wanna show her my hood sides and now, all I can do is making the fool out of myself.'

'Showing your good sides? That worked out well. Why don't you take some distance?'
'You know I can't do that, Sideswipe. I am not going to ignore her and hurt her feelings,' I stated. 'Okay, we'll... then good luck with your self torture,' he mocked. 'So, you're saying I should ignore her and hurt her feelings the process? That's your solution?' I asked. 'Dino, I can't help you with this, okay? Even if I want too... I can't. This isn't my battle. All I can say is that if you want to make her happy, you've to let her go and make her find a male of her own species.'

Sideswipe got up. 'Let her go,' he insisted before walking away. I sighed softly and shove my plate away. I wasn't hungry. I didn't know what to do.

That night, I couldn't sleep. Cassiopeia kept crossing my mind. She was my world. Not having her drove me crazy. I don't think I can see her with another male. I would be jealous and cranky. Maybe even attack the male. Imagining someone would ran his hand over her perfect, slim shaped body drove me so mad. She deserves the best.

I hissed and reached for my chest. The stinging pain coming from my spark was the last thing I needed. They kept coming in painful waves. I was able to get a little bit of recharge, but I couldn't control it.

I was wrecked the next day but had to get up and join a meeting. 'Dino... you're a little late,' Optimus said as I finally sat down. 'Yeah... sorry about that.' I ran my hand through my hair. 'You're okay?' He asked. I was only able to nod. My voice would break in agony if I would speak. The stings returned and changed quite fast in a horrible pain. I had never experienced this pain before.

'Dino?'

I hummed and looked up. 'You'd like to clarify the mission you've investigated before you got attacked last week?' Prowl asked. 'I uh...' I stopped for a moment. 'No, sir.' He raised a brow. 'If wasn't really a question,' he added. 'It sounded like a question and I gave my answer. I said no.' It came out more cranky and snappy than I wanted. It definitely took them by surprise.

'Are you in pain, Dino?' Prime questioned. 'Just a little bit. Nothing too bad,' I sulked. 'Go see Ratchet for it. We will wrap it up here so you can leave.' He pointed at the door. I never planned facing the medic. I didn't want another medical exam. I just wanted to see Sia. If I could only lay down with her for a minute, I would be happy. Just to feel her warm body close to mine and feel her soft touch on my skin.

I hissed and reached for my chest. I felt a hand on my shoulder. 'You're okay?' Jolt sounded concerned. 'I am fine... I am fine. Just— it's nothing.' I waved my hand. 'Doesn't look like it's nothing. Come with me and I'll give you a quick check-up,' he said. I sighed. 'I feel fine, Jolt.' He wasn't going to take a no for an answer and dragged my ass to the medbay.

'I'll be quick,' he assured. He probably wasn't going to find anything serious. 'It's just an error in my holoform,' I sulked. 'Yeah? You believe that?' He mocked. I didn't reply. 'Your spark hurts. That's not nothing.' He pushed me down and made an echo of my human spark. 'It's beating a little too fast. Are you experiencing stress lately?' He asked. 'No, I feel fine. Didn't I tell you that before?'

Jolt wasn't listening. 'Your heart looks fine. I can't find the source of your pains,' he muttered under his breath and mostly to himself. 'I am going to call Ratchet for a second opinion,' he added. 'No, I told you I am fine.' Jolt shook his head and shot me a glare. 'I say when you're done when I am sure you're fine. You're in pain so clearly, something is not fine,' he snapped. Jolt isn't the mech to explode often so it came as a bit of a surprise to me.

CMO strode in ten minutes later. I was glad he did because all I could do was bicker. 'He's in pain. I made an echo of his heart but it looks fine,' Jolt said. Ratchet grabbed some gloves and put them on. 'His heartbeat and pressure are too high as well,' Jolt added. 'Thank you, Jolt. I'll take it from here.' The medic glanced at me before leaving. 'I told him I am fine but he doesn't believe me,' I snapped. Ratchet made a quick echo as well, ignoring my previous comment.

'I don't see anything concerning either. When did this start?' He asked. 'Last night. Out of the sudden,' I muttered. 'Were you fretting or thinking about something in particular?' He asked. 'No... not that I know off.'
'Well, you weren't asleep either so something kept you occupied. Come on, tell me what it is. What were you thinking?' He asked. 'I don't know... just a conversation I had with Sideswipe a few hours prior and Sia... nothing special.'  

He hummed and sighed before taking off his gloves. 'My guess? You're spark is crying.' I raised a brow. 'Because of Sia,' he added. I snorted and grabbed a napkin, wiping my chest clean. 'Fangs ridiculous.'

'Is it?'

I nodded and got up, throwing the napkin away. 'You love her and your spark responds because you don't listen to yourself,' he added. 'Sia is special to me but we will never be more than friends. She deserves a real mech,' I stated before pulling my shirt back on. 'And what do you have between your legs? You are a mech and if she loves you, she'll accept the way you are,' he stated. 'You don't understand, she deserves someone who can make her smile. I am not that kind of person. No matter how badly I want it. I jus can't...' with that open in the air, I left.