Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Mama Makes It Better

Bucky woke up with his heart pounding and silent tears running down his cheeks. Memories of his time in Hydra were running through his mind in flashes. Pierce, Rumlow, Sarkissian. He sat up, clutching his doggy and felt something squish. Oh no. His pull-up was wet. Harsh sobs began clawing their way from his mouth as the terrified little boy panicked. He was too little and too scared to know what to do. All he knew was that he wanted Mama. Mama would help him. Mama would make it better. "Mama!" He called out, "Mama, p'ease!"

Y/n heard her baby start screaming for her and came running into the bedroom. His sobs only intensified when he saw her and he dropped his doggy on the bed to reach for her. She picked him up and sat down on the bed, "What happened?" Bucky clung onto her even tighter, unable to explain. "Okay, okay, Mama's here." She told him, "You don't have to tell me, it's alright."

He was sobbing so hard his teeth were clicking together, broken only by the sound of his desperate little cries. "Don' go!" He begged her, "Need you, p'ease don' go!"

"Shh, Bucky. It's alright. Mama's here," Y/n soothed, rubbing his back. "I'm here."

"Gonna leave," Bucky whimpered out between sobs, his fingers tightening on Y/n's shirt so much that she thought he might tear it. "Gonna... no' good for anyone, you know? Can't get dependent... what'll I do when you're done with me?" He started to cry even harder. "Gonna hurt me all over again."

"That's not going to happen, I promise," Y/n said as calmly as she could. She was proud of the fact that her voice didn't waver in the slightest, so Bucky had no idea that there were tears in her eyes. Listening to the sound of Bucky's terrified crying and knowing that she was, at least in part, responsible for it was heartbreaking.

"Always hurts... always, m'not 'posed to be like this" Bucky said childishly. "All by myself... didn' want this. Jus' want it with Mama. Why do I want this with you?"

"You have no idea what I get out of this, Bucky. I want to help you, of course, but it helps me too. You make me feel useful, like I'm important. You want this because you need it. You need someone to take care of you. And honestly, sweetheart? Your mama needs someone to take care of just as much."

"But you're the best Mama," Bucky said, tears still running down his face. "You'll find a better baby. I always ruin it."

"No, you don't. And I won't," She said,"you're my baby, I'd never be able to replace you."

Bucky shook his head, choking out another sob. "No one wants me," he whispered. "M bad enough normally... but now there's this... and I want too much."

"I want you, baby." Y/n assured him, pressing a kiss to his temple, "You're not asking for too much, I promise."

Bucky shifted a little and felt the wet pull-up beneath him. Sarkissian's words echoed through his head at the feeling and he winced. "Icky baby, no one wants an icky baby," he said more to himself than to his Mama.

He sounded so shaky, so defeated, it was breaking Y/n's heart. "You're not an icky baby." She told him, "You're a good boy." Bucky shook his head, clearly she didn't know about his wet pull-up if she thought he was a good boy. Good boys don't make messes. The crying was bad enough on its own, good boys are supposed to be strong. He didn't want to tell her, she'd be so disappointed when she found out. Maybe he'd even be punished, he certainly deserved it.

But Mama never punished him, she was always so gentle. And she was going to find out eventually anyway, it was better to get it out now. "'M not a good boy, Mama." He explained, looking up at her with tears shining in his eyes, "'M wet, an' I'm a bad boy."

"Oh, sweetheart, that doesn't make you a bad boy," she assured him, holding him tighter, "that's what your pull-ups are for. You're still my good boy, I'm so proud of you, baby."