Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Repressed Memories

TW: This is the chapter I've been warning you guys about, there will be references to SA, previous abuse of power, previous physical abuse, previous emotional abuse, previous sexual abuse. There will be no graphic descriptions of anything, but it's implied through dialogue. Don't hesitate to contact me for a more thorough summary if you need it, my door is always open!

Bucky was at peace. He'd been big all day, but was enjoying Disneyland just as much as when he was little. He had separated from Y/n, Sam, and Steve, carrying a stuffed lion that had been bought for him earlier in the day. He liked stuffed animals whether he was big or little, and he'd finally been feeling confident enough to admit to it. He'd purposely separated from the group, making sure they knew where he was going before taking some time to just be on his own. It was relaxing, but now he was ready to rejoin his family.

He caught a glimpse of a child playing with a bubble gun and hugged his stuffie closer, feeling his headspace on the edge of his mind. Before long he was little, and knew he needed to return to his caregivers as quickly as possible. Mama. I want my Mama. He began heading to the meeting point, proud of the way that he was following instructions. He just knew his mama was gonna be so proud of him! Before he could get there, a group of people ran up to him, excitement clear on their faces.

"Oh my god I'm a huge fan! Can we get a picture?" One of them asked excitedly. Bucky happily nodded his head, clutching his stuffie with one hand out of nerves. He wasn't used to this kind of attention while he was little, but he figured it would only take a moment. Besides, these people seemed nice enough. The group gathered for a moment, he assumed to decide who was taking the picture, and he fiddled with the chain on his wrist, reminding himself that he'd be with Mama soon.

He could hear them whispering, something about a dare and a bet, but he paid it no mind. It was a wonderful day and it was just a quick photo, then he could go back to his mama where he belonged. He smiled for the camera, letting out a little giggle as he wrapped an arm around one of the members of the group. But his smile quickly faded, replaced by a look of fear and shock. There was a hand on his bottom, one that he definitely didn't want. Memories began swirling in his head as he panicked.

No. No this wasn't happening. Not here, not now.

Hands. Groping, angry hands all over him.

A cruel smile, mocking his discomfort with what was happening.

"What's wrong darling? Don't you want to have fun? Don't you want to be a good little toy for Mommy?"

Searing pain, her hand over his mouth to keep him from crying out.

"Bad boys don't get dinner. So be a darling and stay quiet."

"No," Bucky managed to force out, trying to move away from the hand invading his space. But they followed him, amusement clear on their faces.

"It's just a dare," they said all too sweetly. "All in good fun. Don't overreact."

"If you'd stop being such a brat, you wouldn't ruin the fun."

Bucky shook his head, holding out his right arm in an effort to make them stop coming towards him. They came even closer and reached for him again. He panicked and shoved them to the ground with his metal arm, eyes widening as he realized what he had done.

Another member of the group stepped forward, slamming their hands into Bucky's shoulders. "What the fuck is wrong with you? It's just a game, soldier," they mocked him, pushing him back into the wall.

"Good soldiers follow orders."

Bucky couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. All he knew was that he was little and he was all alone. Mama. Please I want my mama. He shoved the second person out of the way, running off as he tried to ignore them yelling after him.