ILL LOVERS

010 | question mingle

010
THURSDAY
JUNE 28, 2021

JOSIAH SLUMPED AGAINST THE bed once him and Elijah made it back into their room. Josiah mind was still somewhere else and Elijah still didn't know how to start a conversation.

So Josiah just started to speak aloud, not thinking much of it. "I don't think I am good enough for friendship."

Elijah didn't say anything but he was listening. He took a seat on the corner of his bed and began to take off his shoes. Listening to whatever came out the boy mouth.

"I never had any friends in my life and if I did, I don't remember that. It kind of feels like I've been alone all my life." Josiah states, stretching against his bed.

"I'm not easy going and I could never easily make a friend. I'm annoying and I talk way to much and I can't do anything about it because then I would have to change myself for others and I did that before and I still didn't feel proud or happy to be me." Josiah comments, his words seeming far but close.

"I don't really know who I am but I don't want to be someone I'm not even if I don't know who that someone is." Josiah comments, raising up from his bed to take off his shoes.

Elijah didn't say anything but he sat on his bed doing nothing, digesting the boy thoughts. He knew that he added in to the thoughts the boy possessed and he felt bad.

"I disagree on that." Elijah comments, going back to take off shoes.

Josiah raises his head in his direction quickly, not really expecting Elijah to respond back to him. He did think Elijah was a good listener but he didn't think he would pay him any mind speaking right now.

"On which part?" He begins to ask.

Elijah doesn't say anything, he just continues to get himself ready for the shower.

"Elijah which part?" Josiah asks, watching Elijah body when he rises up and makes his way to the bathroom, ignoring Josiah once again.

Josiah looked at the retreating body and couldn't help but think. How could he say that but not explain? Which part did he disagree with, everything or just one simple part? He wanted answers.

But he didn't want to bargain Elijah with something he didn't favor doing so he just let himself think to himself, no matter how badly it went.

So when Elijah made his way out the bathroom in fresh new pajama, Josiah walked right in without a word.

Walking out once done with everything to Elijah watching the reality TV show Josiah and Elijah has both grown to like. He smiled at that, "I still can't get over the fact that you like reality TV."

"Why?"

"The way you carry yourself doesn't seem like you like these kinds of thing. I didn't think you would like people making horrible decisions just for the sake of drama when you seem to dislike every single person."

Elijah nods his head. "I don't dislike every single person. I just don't like talking."

Josiah nods his head, "And I started to see that. That was just how I seen you especially after you said you didn't like me."

Elijah just hummed, glancing over at Josiah when he wasn't looking. Elijah wished he knew how to say the right things, he just didn't. He just wanted to be honest and sometimes honesty participates in someone self hate, he didn't intend for that to happen. It just did.

So Josiah and Elijah continued to watch the show with Josiah self doubts and Elijah's regret.

—