Beginning of the end

Part 28 [May 10 '22]

Tuesday morning felt like hell on earth. Blake woke up and got slowly to her feet. Each movement was laborious and unenthusiastic. She slipped her feet into black slip ons and trudged over to the bathroom. Dark sleepless circles pulled down Blake's eyes in the mirror. Her eyes closed for a yawn and she did not look back to the mirror when they opened. Her teeth were brushed slowly, finding the mechanical whirr of the toothbrush painful on her ears. Wet hands rubbed sleep from her cheeks and Blake returned to her room. She caught sight of the time on a digital clock.

10:29

With urgency Blake forgot she could feel, she rushed out of the room. There on the couch pressing pieces into a puzzle with her aunt was Zelda. Awake, clothed, and looking perfectly fine. Blake willed the hammering in her chest to still.

"Oh. You... got up already?"

"Yeah," Rosie said with a smile. "I wanted to let you sleep in, so I woke up with my favorite niece." She bopped Zelda on the nose and caught the giggles in return. Blake tried to smile. I guess I didn't need to get up today.

"Oh, gracias. That's... very thoughtful. Did you eat?"

"Yeah, we had waffles. They were yummy, right?"

"I put strawberries on mine," Zelda chirped pleasantly. Blake smiled slightly.

"That is very good. I guess I'll... go take a shower..." she decided.

"Good idea," Rosie agreed. "Carla wanted to come by and take us all out. She said Kaleb was going to pick up food to go from his work." Kaleb played piano at a fancy restaurant. As far as Blake knew he got some kind of discount if he bought food from there, not that he needed the discount. "Then we're going to go to a park to eat."

"Have fun."

Rosie frowned. "Uh... we were thinking you'd come with us. Zelda would like that. Right?"

"I'm having luck with Mama," Zelda asserted. Blake frowned. The decision was apparently made. Blake could not say no to her daughter. "Is Papa with lunch?" Blake's throat constricted. She shook her head slowly. They'd had a very strange encounter with Kiefer the night before. He stopped by for about a half hour to say goodbye to Zelda and Gini before leaving early for his honeymoon trip. Blake had used that time to walk to the corner market and grab a few things. Rosie had been the mediator and watched Zelda while Kiefer visited. All of a half hour. Zelda didn't understand why Papa wasn't home, and Blake lacked any rational explanation.

"Papa is on a trip. We... we were going to go on a trip together," all four of them, "but Papa had to go alone."

Zelda didn't like this answer, her pouting said as much. Blake couldn't do anything to change this. Rosie convinced Zelda to get back to the puzzle and Blake endured a shower and changing into daytime clothes.

Kaleb met them at the park in a secluded spot near some swings, where Carla was already swinging. Rosie managed Zelda and spun her around in circles. Blake tried not to remember telling Zelda the day before that the big party they were going to have was actually not happening anymore. Kaleb set out the food and took a seat beside his girlfriend when it was time to eat. Rosie helped Zelda cut her food. Blake starred into space. The idea of food made her stomach churn painfully. The acid in her gut smashing around like it wanted badly to get out through her lips. She forced down a few flavorless bites.

When everyone else was done eating, Blake found herself laying flat on the grass, looking up at grumpy gray clouds, marching along like they had somewhere better to be. Rosie and Zelda could be heard giggling and running around. Kaleb was packing up the leftovers. Carla lay down beside her friend, their heads beside each other, ear to ear, bodies going opposite directions.

"It will be alright, Hermana."

No response.

"And I know you're arguing with me in your head, but it isn't your fault."

Blake could feel the effort in Carla that kept her biting comments at bay. She wanted to go off on him. She knew it wouldn't help Blake though. Blake adored him. She lifted her hand up and looked at the shiny blue and white ring on her ring finger. The energy shifted. Carla couldn't tell her to take it off, but she wanted to.

"Maybe I will put it in a box..."

"The box you had for your necklace when you two broke up the first time?"

"Si."

"That's probably a good idea. Zelda will like them when she is older. He had good taste in jewelry."

"Si..."

"I know this isn't how you wanted to spend today. But," Carla spoke, but Blake cut her off.

"I want to go to the studio tonight."

"Oh yeah?"

"I want to do something with my vows. Turn them into... something. Do something. I want to do something," she repeated, confining her emotions to the idea of "something."

"We can do that. We should probably bring Zelda so she isn't too lonely. I can't believe he-"

He left her. He left Zelda there to go on a honeymoon with his new lover. He left Zelda at home, when even if he'd gone with Blake they were going to bring Zelda along. It would almost have been worth it to send Rosie along to make things awkward for him, but she wouldn't. Blake could not understand how Kiefer could actually walk away from his daughter so suddenly.

"I love him."

Carla sighed, defeated by the acknowledgement of emotions far beyond reason. "I love you."

"I know."

"I know you know... but hear it. I love you. That feeling, where you'd do anything for him, and you hurt with him gone, and you just want the best for him... I love you. And you deserve that love. You deserve love, Blakely."

Blake couldn't find a response to that.

"Did you bring your vows with you?"

"My pocket."

"Can I see them?"

Blake fished a torn piece of paper from her pocket and handed it over to her friend. She sat up and watched as Carla looked over the words. Those seconds ticked on like condemnation for sheer foolishness.

"My boy, you are the beat of my heart. You fuel me to conquer life with you. We may make mistakes apart, but we will fix them together. I pledge to build our life together first, and tackle all else second. You will be my priority, in stress and strain. You will be my thoughts, in distance and distraction. I will love you with my whole heart no matter the obstacle. Always."

Blake shrunk back slightly at hearing her own words spoken back to her. It all sounded so stupid. She wrapped her arms around her knees and looked down.

"It's a nice sentiment..." Blake did not answer. "Really... I'd melt if Kaleb could express himself in so many words." Blake felt the smile but did not look up. Carla still had Kaleb. Even when Kiefer and Blake had fallen apart the first time, Kaleb was table. Kaleb was Carla's. Carla was Kaleb's. Blake was not so lucky. "The world is lucky to have your words on the radio, Blake."

Nothing.

Carla sighed. "I'm going to burn them."

Blake sat up, watching her friend. Carla had a lighter in her pocket. Maybe because of Jamie, but she couldn't know for sure. Carla had cut back on recreational substances when dating a man whose delinquent older brother was a dealer. The lighter was pulled out as that fragile slip of paper was held between two fingers. They both bore the Pink Slip ink on their skin. They would be forever marked by choices and steps made. This was just a paper. A declaration lost to the wind. A speech never given, and love not received.

Carla looked at Blake, their eyes locked for a few seconds.

"Burn it."

Carla smirked. A flick of her thumb sparked the gas, and the tiny flame ate away at soul-soaked lead. As fast as he'd walked away, it was gone.