After moving into his new dorm, Sunoo feels like he can finally live his life.
Being away from his parents gave him the chance to make new friends and also get close with his roommate, Niki.
In a world where they are forced to believe that being i...
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Recommended song to listen to while reading - City of Angels by Em Beihold
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I decided it was best if I talked to Niki about it;
"Umm... Can we please talk?" He looked at me confused. We were already in our dorm and he was about to play some games when I started the discussion. He put away his phone and said;
"Sure, what's up?" I took a deep breath. I was nervous... Before I didn't have the opportunity to say what I felt but I knew that, for becoming a better version of myself, I had to say what I had on my mind, I had to try the things that scared me before. And that's exactly what I was trying to do at that moment.
"I know you guys are worried about me getting in trouble after what happened last Tuesday and that's why you are being extra careful around me and always sticking around to make sure I'm safe... but..., even though I'm forever grateful, I wish you would stop. I understand you guys for doing that and I'm thankful but it just makes me feel like I have no... privacy. I love hanging out with you guys, but, on the other hand, it can be suffocating sometimes... I just feel awful because I can't even go to the bathroom alone without one of you around... I also feel like I'm really burdening you guys from doing what you want to do but not being able to because of me..." The whole time, I looked down. I didn't want to look at him while saying this. It would've been understandable if he was pissed. He was trying to help me... I felt horrible but I could not take it any longer.
"Okay." He said with a serious voice before getting out of the room and shutting the door, making me flinch.
Even though I knew that he was rightfully mad, I felt hurt and also annoyed by him shutting the door like that, not even sparing me a glance. I tried saying it in the most logical and nice way but I guess the gentle words had no point... He probably thought I was a brat for being so insensitive and ungrateful... But that's not what I was trying to sound like... I wanted them to also not have to put up with me so much anymore. At some point, I knew they would get tired of me. Just like my mother said on the first day that I got here. Who would want to befriend with someone like me. I can't do anything...
It was already past midnight and I was still waiting for my roommate to come back after leaving 4 hours ago. I was worried sick and I blamed myself for it.
It was all my fault. Like always. I shouldn't have said anything.
I had no way of contacting him which made me even more anxious. I just wished I could turn back time and not let him go.
Me always being so incapable was probably the reason why my parents always told me to bear with the bullying and never complain about it to others. Because it always ends up like this. Alone and hated.
I felt awful. I wanted to go after Niki but I didn't know where he could be at such a time. I could've gone to one of the others and asked them about him but, first of all, I didn't know their dorm room numbers, and, second of all, they probably already found out from Niki about what I said and they were probably just as mad as their friend was.
I kept waiting and waiting for him but he never came. At some point, I fell asleep without even realizing it. I wasn't changed into my pajamas yet and my bed was not made either. I was a mess. And it was all because of him. The boy who didn't even show up.
I wasn't blaming him though. I hurt him by what I said. I didn't mean it but I hurt him...
He was trying to help and I just told him that he was making me uncomfortable.
I was an idiot.
*Niki's pov*
I was an idiot.
How could I do that to Sunoo?! I made him feel uncomfortable!! I am so fucking stupid that it hurts.
What the fuck was wrong with me.
Out of anger, I shut the door roughly, probably startling Sunoo, making me feel even more fucking dumb than I felt already.
I just wanted to bang my head against a wall.
Not knowing what to do, I texted the person that always helped me when I had a problem; Jungwon.
After getting a text back, I met up in his and Jay's dorm. The two waited for me to start talking, seeing how annoyed, sad, and lost I looked. But, after a while, seeing how distracted I was, Jay Hyung said;
"What's wrong? Did something happen between you and Sunoo...?" It made me look up at him with widened eyes. I lowered my head while I nodded.
"What happened? You two are the people that I'd least expect to fight for some reason..." Jungwon stated while I just bit my lip out of frustration before deciding to tell them everything; from what Sunoo told me, to how guilty and horrible I felt for making him feel suffocated because of us always being around, not leaving him any privacy whatsoever.
They listened in silence.
"Niki, from what you've told us, I don't think Sunoo meant it in that way. I think he just wanted us to not worry about him that much. He is right. For the past two weeks, he probably had 0 privacy. If I were him, I would go crazy about it, but he kept calm and tried telling you about it. I highly doubt that he said it to make you feel bad. I think he felt worse just by telling you everything. You should already know that he is the type of person to keep everything to himself to not make others feel bad or worried." Jay Hyung said with a serious but also gentle voice.
"Jay Hyung is right. Sunoo would never want you to feel like this. And he is probably worried sick about where you went and why you aren't back yet. It's almost midnight. He probably thinks you are mad at him." Jungwon continued, while also starting to worry about Sunoo.
Thinking everything through and realizing how likely that might've been, I ran out of the room, yelling a quick thank you before sprinting to my dorm.
