Everything Gets Better

21

Warnings:
-Eating disorder behaviour (binge eating/starvation/purging/weight)
-Purging (self-induced vomiting)
-Throwing up

Sapnap's POV

Dream and I had been exercising for an hour, constantly waiting for a call from Wilbur or George. We had no idea how he was doing and Dream kept trying to call Wilbur who didn't pick up. Instead, we kept exercising until Dream sat down and leaned back.

'I'm actually so hungry...' he mumbled. 'And so dizzy.'

'Same to be fair,' I admitted, sitting down next to him. 'Maybe we can eat... half a sandwich each?'

'Alright... half a sandwich, nothing more,' Dream answered, standing up slowly. He grasped onto me and breathed out. 'I'm going to pass out...'

'Sit down, I'll prepare it,' I answered, feeling jealous that he was dizzy, but I wasn't that dizzy. I probably ate more than he did and needed to starve more so I would become just as dizzy as he was, losing more than I already did.

I walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen, opening a cupboard. I saw all the food we didn't eat before and got so extremely hungry from it that I couldn't resist, grabbing a package with biscuits. I sighed softly and was about to open it as Dream walked into the kitchen as well.

'Are you going to eat that?' he asked. 'That's a lot of sugar, dude. I wouldn't eat a sandwich if you eat that stuff.'

'I won't... I'm just so hungry,' I mumbled. 'Guess I'll just eat half a sandwich, but my blood sugar is so messed up right now... I have a very bad headache.'

Dream sighed softly and nodded. 'Same... I really want to eat something and just throw it up again. My stomach is so empty right now.'

'I mean, why not?' I suggested. 'Let's just enjoy some food and then throw it up. I finally figured out how to throw up now so we can just... try. We'll constantly think about food otherwise and I get even more anxious about George when I feel like this way.'

⚠️ Binge eating

Dream agreed and stood up slowly, opening more cupboards. He grabbed all the leftovers and food and put it down on the table, grabbing one of the donuts we bought a while back.

I grabbed one as well, getting really triggered to binge again. Dream started eating just like I did and as soon as we both finished our first donut, we grabbed another one. I had no idea if Dream ever binged before, but he ate very fast and a lot in a few minutes time. I used to do this when I binged and figured we both were right now.

We kept grabbing the same food as the other did, continuously eating. I was stuffing food in my mouth before even chewing the previous bite and started to feel so full after we had been eating for minutes that I felt like bursted.

I coughed shortly, but kept eating no matter how full I felt. Dream was still eating as well, slower than he did before. He stuffed a handful of crisps in his mouth and then abruptly jumped up. I turned around to see him run to the downstairs bathroom, standing up too to check if he was alright.

⚠️ Over
⚠️ Throwing up

I opened the door and saw Dream sit on his knees, gagging loudly. He threw up everything he just ate, not on purpose, and gagged again, throwing up even more. After a minute, he gasped and sat back, looking up at me.

'I ate too much...' he mumbled with a hoarse voice. He cleared his throat and lifted his legs up. 'My stomach- hurts so much.'

'I'm really nauseous... I'm going to throw up as well,' I replied. 'I can't keep these calories in me.'

⚠️ Purging (self-induced vomiting)

Dream moved away from the toilet after flushing it and slowly walked to the sink to get some water. Meanwhile, I lifted my hands up to my face and stuck my fingers in my throat. It had been getting easier and easier the more often I did it and it was so easy that my food immediately came up.

Without even gagging that loudly, I threw up everything I just ate, continuing until I was sure I had nothing left in my stomach. Dream was just sitting on the floor, leaning forwards because his stomach was hurting so much.

'I need to throw up again,' he whispered. 'I thought everything came out, but I ate more than I expected.'

I was done anyway and stood up, washing my hands while Dream threw up again, eventually sticking his fingers back into his throat to make sure he threw up everything. 'Alright... let's not do this again.'

⚠️ Over

'No... definitely not,' I sighed. 'I feel so gross, would I have gained a lot?'

'You threw it all up, so I'm pretty sure it's not too bad. Let's just... lay down for a little bit. I have such a bad stomach ache that I can't exercise right now. I'm going to call Wilbur and George again too because I'm very worried. At least I had such a fast and short sugar boost that I don't want any food for hours anymore.'

'Me neither, but my blood sugar...' I mumbled. 'It's going to rise a lot if I don't inject, but I guess I barely inject my insulin because it makes me lose weight when I don't...'

Dream glanced up and nodded slowly. 'So that's why you have to go to the hospital so often. Dude, please take your insulin...'

'I don't want to take it because it makes me lose weight faster.'

'Sap, this is something different. You'll still lose weight because I lose weight as well while eating the exact same as you do. Sapnap, George is already in the hospital as well, I can't deal with even more stress and anxiety. I love you, dude. We both know what we are doing isn't good already, but not taking your insulin with diabetes is a death sentence.'

'Alright... I guess I'll try, but uh- can you help me? I'm just- I just don't... allow myself and the voices are so- strong to skip it. I don't want to- disappoint you so please help me.'

Dream stood up and we went to my room together, he grabbed my bag and opened it. After taking out my glucose meter and my insulin, he walked up to me and grabbed my hand to prick my finger.

'Yeah, it's way too high,' he told me after a while. 'I'll inject two units of insulin.'

I sat down and lifted my shirt, very aware of my fat. I cringed and looked away when he grabbed a bit of my fat. 'I'm ashamed of my body...'

'Dude, this is just skin. You're not that fat at all,' he replied, injecting the insulin. We both laid down on my bed after that while Dream grabbed his phone to call Wilbur again...

1160 words