Everything Gets Better

23

Warnings:
-Eating disorder behaviour (starvation/purging/overexercising/weight)
-Purging (self-induced vomiting)

Dream's POV

~ The Next Day ~

We didn't hear any news from George anymore since they were waiting for the lumbar puncture he would get. He did text us very shortly, but seen all the mistakes, it was obvious he still had such blurry vision that he couldn't see what he was typing to us. Wilbur texted us too and went home later in the evening, going back early in the morning to stay with George again.

I was laying down on my bed, completely exhausted. I had been starving together with Sapnap after we binged on food and threw up, but I was so weak and drowsy that I couldn't even really move myself anymore. I really wanted to be less tired, but I refused to eat anything as long as Sapnap didn't eat either.

I closed my eyes again, feeling so miserable that I only wanted to sleep and escape from the feeling inside. I never wanted to binge again, but I really wanted some food. I couldn't think about anything else next to the extreme hunger and George who was still in the hospital...

After sighing softly, I stood up from my bed, getting so extremely dizzy out of nowhere that I had to grab my desk. However, I missed the desk and collapsed on the floor, suddenly shaking uncontrollably. I became so weak and fell down so hard that I heard Sapnap's door open up, running footsteps coming closer to my door.

'Dream, are you alright?' Sapnap asked when he stood behind my door, knocking on it. When I didn't reply, he pushed it open and ran in, looking at me on the floor while shaking. 'Oh, you have way too low blood sugar.'

He attempted to lift me up, but both our muscles weakened so much that he dropped me again and stood up. 'You have to eat something right now because you're having a hypo.'

I didn't say anything and hitched a breath, feeling extremely sweaty. I rolled to my back and wanted to lift my hoodie up as I realised my scars and cuts that I still didn't want to show Sapnap. He knew about my eating behaviour but he didn't have to know more than that.

'I'm going to get you something with sugar in it,' Sapnap demanded. 'I'll continue starving, though.'

'I d-don't want to eat whenever y-you don't either,' I mumbled, lifting myself up. 'That's u-unfair.'

'Dude, your blood sugar is way too low and it won't go up without eating anything with some sugar in it,' he complained, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

'You d-don't inject your insulin to lose w-weight, moron,' I scoffed, leaning against my desk in silence. 'I haven't weighed myself yet because I've been so tired today..'

'If you lost a pound or more with yesterday, you can eat something, alright? If I did, I will eat something too. But it can't be more than a hundred calories and lower than twenty carbs, but rather lower than ten carbs.'

'Okay...' I agreed, lifting myself up. Sapnap wrapped his arm around my waist to help me walk. I was really wobbly and almost collapsed again, but he held me tightly and managed to keep me up.

We walked to the bathroom together and I took off my clothes, except from my boxers, pressing my arms against my chest to hide the cuts on them. I saw Sapnap glancing down, but he ignored it as I stepped onto the scale.

'I lost one and a half pounds in comparison with yesterday morning,' I told him when the number popped up. 'And you?'

Sapnap took off his clothes as well and looked down. 'Almost three pounds in a day.'

'What the hell?' I asked with a shocked face. 'How did you ever lose that much?'

'Not taking my insulin, I think. I'm not sure, maybe I just burn a lot more because of diabetes and glucose in my blood stream,' he answered, a proud smile on his face. I was jealous of him, even though he weighed about the same as me but was smaller than I was. He was more muscular than I was...

'Alright, let's get some blueberries and a lot of water to start feeling fuller again,' Sapnap suggested.

'There's not much sugar in that... if I eat something, I want it to help as well,' I replied, dressing back up.

'Half of a donut,' Sapnap answered my statement. 'Without toppings, just both half with a bit of sugar on them. Is that good enough?'

'I'm afraid I'm going to binge again...'

'Let's grab one and eat it upstairs so we can't grab more.'

I nodded slowly and walked downstairs with him, both getting half of a donut. We immediately walked away from the kitchen and ate half of it in silence, sitting down in my room. Sapnap smiled shortly after he finished it and then sighed.

'I feel guilty, but I probably really needed that...' he mumbled. 'I'm going to my room for a bit because Punz asked me to join Valorant again. Do you want to exercise after that?'

'Yeah, sure,' I answered. He stood up and walked away to go to his own room which made me stand up as well. As soon as I knew he was actually gone, I ran to the bathroom.

⚠️ Purging (self-induced vomiting)

I knelt back down in front of the toilet and sighed deeply. I knew it was better to keep the food in my stomach because I didn't eat anything and threw everything up that I ate, but I felt so guilty about it and knew I would continue to feel guilty about this for hours to days unless I did this.

I leaned forward, lifted my hand up to my face and pushed my fingers into the back of my throat. I kept going until I gagged and threw the donut back up. When I was sure it was all out of my stomach, I stood up again and washed my hands, drinking some water to ease the pain in my throat.

⚠️ Over

When I was done, I quickly went back to my room. Luckily, Sapnap wasn't here since I really wanted to keep this a secret from him. He thought I ate and I hated getting jealous when he threw up as well. I was just glad he ate more than me and wanted to keep it that way as well. He wouldn't know I would continue throwing up until I lost as much weight as he did...

1103 words