No Questions Asked (A KiriBaku Fic)

Chapter Five: The Ostrich

About a week had passed since the Toilet Portal Incident, Bakugou and Kirishima's agreement not having been invoked since. It would seem to an outsider that both boys were on their best behaviour after their days on cleaning duty.

To anyone who knew anything about Class A however, it meant that they were in the eleventh hour; when the inevitable stunt came, it was going to be big.

Despite neither of them actively working towards having to invoke a 'No Questions Asked', it was fate that it came, and it was Kirishima who received the summons.

Though, notably, it wasn't only from Bakugou.

"Hey Midoriya! Bakugou! You called?" Kirishima strolled up to the pair, both of them looking beat up and wickedly disheveled.

The texts had come only a few minutes earlier, drawing him from the training gym to Bakugou's dorm room. Urgent, demanding, and very concerning, Kirishima dropped everything to rush over.

"Took ya long enough, Shitty Hair!"

"Good that you're here Kirishima!"

The redhead adjusted his bandana as he looked between the two of them. "What's going on? Must be pretty bad if both of you called."

"NO QUESTIONS ASKED!" The pair yelled in unison.

Kirishima's eyes widened, he wasn't used to seeing the two of them in such agreement.

"Harden yourself, dumbass." Bakugou growled. "We need a battering ram."

"Uh... okay." Kirishima replied. "Just lemme take off my shirt, I don't want to rip it."

With that, he worked to unbutton his top. From inside Bakugou's room, loud thumping and scratching was audible through the door. He tried to ignore it, he was a battering ram, he didn't need to know why. Same way he didn't need to know why Kaminari and Sero needed to get bailed out of jail at four AM, or why Mina's hair suddenly turned bright blue a few hours before school pictures, or why Momo accidentally ate a bath bomb.

He tossed his shirt into his own room then hardened his body. From within Bakugou's room, a crash followed by an avian-like squawk caused all three boys to jump.

"What the hell?" Bakugou growled. "I swear to god if that was my manga shelf..."

Kirishima glanced at Midoriya, concern clearly written all over his face. The other boy only shook his head.

"You ready yet, dumbass?" Bakugou snapped at him.

Kirishima nodded and raised his arms. "Careful you guys, my skin can scratch you pretty badly." He warned as Midoriya and Bakugou hoisted him up

"Yeah, yeah, whatever... You good, Shitty Hair?"

"Yeah! Do it!"

"Okay! One... Two... Three!"

The two boys swung Kirishima forwards, his feet banging against the door roughly.

"One... Two... Three!"

Again, the door crunched inwards a bit.

"One... Two... Three!"

The door flew inwards and slammed into the wall. Midoriya and Bakugou dropped Kirishima, quirks at the ready. The redhead grunted as he hit the floor, then pushed himself onto his feet.

"Kirishima..." Bakugou's voice was quieter than he's ever heard it. "Don't move."

A low hiss sent a jolt of icy fear down Kirishima's spine. He looked over at the others who were standing completely still. Fear was written on both of their faces.

"Harden, Kirishima." Midoriya whispered.

As gently as possible, Kirishima hardened his body, all but Unbreakable. The hiss continued, only growing more aggressive. Now relatively safe, Kirishima slowly turned his head 90° in the direction of the sound.

In a moment that would have made the creators of Jurassic Park proud, Kirishima locked eyes with the closest thing to a dinosaur he'd ever seen; a very large, very angry, ostrich.

Upon eye contact, the bird began scratching the ground and puffing its feathers. The hissing grew louder as it straightened up, looming over Kirishima by at least a foot.

"Oh... no." He whispered.

The bird lashed out with a massive kick which Kirishima barely dodged. He took off into the room, the ostrich hot on his heels. Bakugou and Midoriya followed him.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGHT AN OSTRICH?" Bakugou yelled, palms popping and crackling dangerously.

Midoriya began muttering to himself, watching the bird with wide, careful eyes as he analyzed it.

"SPEAK UP DEKU!"

"I SAID, AIM FOR THE NECK, KACHAAN!"

Bakugou didn't need to be told twice. He launched himself at the ostrich, tackling it to the ground

Kirishima watched in mild horror as Bakugou and Midoriya restrained the ostrich, kicked aside Bakugou's bed, and shoved it through a massive portal settled underneath it.

The bird passed through and the boys collapsed, breathing heavily.

"Guys... what the actual hell." Kirishima looked at them.

"No... fucking questions asked." Bakugou panted.

The three sat in silence for a moment, looking around at the wreckage and the swirling portal. A gloved hand poked through it, snapped, and the entire room began to glow with a faint white light.

The boys watched as all of the wreckage from the ostrich began to repair itself. Bakugou's entire room began to put itself together, shards mending and holes fixing.

When the room was back to normal, perfectly tidy as usual, they looked back at the hand in the portal.

"What the fuck?"

The hand only gave a thumbs up before dipping back through the portal just as it closed.

"Was that another portal from the Academy?" Midoriya asked, looking at the two of them. "I thought they took care of all the portals?"

"I guess not." Kirishima replied, staring at the place on the floor where the portal once sat.

There were a few minutes of stunned silence where all three of them were just replaying the events of the past few minutes, just trying to process everything.

"Come on." Bakugou said finally, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm starving, let's go get food."

"Okay, yeah..." Kirishima replied, still a little shell shocked. "Let's go, before Aizawa comes back."

Kirishima and Bakugou turned to leave, Midoriya hesitating as they walked out.

"OI DEKU!"

"K-Kachaan!"

"You coming?" Bakugou raised an eyebrow.

Midoriya looked more shocked at that than any ostrich-related shenanigans that had happened.

"Uh, yeah! Thanks!"

"Yeah, whatever nerd."

Bakugou then turned to Kirishima. "Thanks for that, Shitty Hair, you saved our asses."

"All I did was be a battering ram." Kirishima chuckled. "You guys are the ones who dealt with it."

"You looked that shitty bird dead in the eyes and lived." Bakugou replied. "That's more than enough."

Kirishima gave a full laugh at that. "I felt like I was in Jurassic Park, like 'clever girl'."

Midoriya laughed at that one, and Bakugou cracked a smile. He clapped a hand on Kirishima's back.

"Ramen." He said, "before I eat your hand."

Kirishima smiled back. "Sounds good."