Unholy letters | Loki fanfiction

5 | Never say never

We lay there and my glance wandered over the most beautiful face I had ever seen - Loki's face. As I gathered my courage, I smirked a little.

"You really are terrible at flirting."

Loki smiled. "Are you trying to get me to kiss you again?"

I grinned. "Worked the first time."

"Be careful", he whispered mischievously. "I might have to punish you if you provoke me."

I made a grimace. "Why do all the people think everybody likes this dominace-punishment play? You would fit better with Laura. I once found handcuffs in her nightstand."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Handcuffs? That is just basic sex equipment. I once found an entire bondage set in Thor's wardrobe."

I stared at him disbelievingly. "No way. Thor is not- he would never- I would more imagine that you would be the one -" I stopped stuttering. "I don't believe a single word you just said. It was probably there because you put it there as a prank."

Loki grinned. "You've got me there. You know me so well, we should marry."

I laughed. "Here, in the dungeons?"

"Yeah, we could walk down the hallway very romantically. Just the guards would stand in the way."

We both laughed over his joke.

"And when I am king, I could make you my queen", Loki continued with an irresistible sparkle in his eyes.

That created a plummeting feeling in my belly. Maybe he wasn't so bad at flirting after all. "Still having fantasies about getting the throne?", I asked, smiling softly.

He rolled on his back. "Who wouldn't?"

I climbed onto him. "I have just fantasies about getting you." Then I leaned down to kiss him again. He smiled and his eyelids fluttered closed. We spend a pretty long time making out. Slowly we went out of breath and I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

I had never dared to dream too much of him, of spending time with him like this. And now it was happening. Never say never, I suppose.

We took our time just laying there in silence.

"Do you think I deserve being here?"

I lifted my head to look at him. "Here in this cell?"

Loki nodded.

"I ..." It was a hard question. I didn't want him to be here. But if he deserved it? I was incredibly angry at Odin for being such a bad dad, and Loki's experiences and how he was raised seemed to unstoppably race to this point in time here in the cell. On the other hand, everyone was responsible for their own actions. "Did you want to kill those people?"

Loki looked at the ceiling and opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn't find one. He shrugged slowly and hesitantly, and it broke my heart to see tears filling his eyes. "It was not my wish to be there on Midgard", he whispered.

"And they did things to you that hurt, right?", I said quietly. "It hurt so much that you did what they asked, and you wanted it to stop, no matter how. Until you were following every move that brought you closer to an end of the pain, and in the end you did not care if somebody stood in the way. You just wanted it to stop."

Loki closed his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"The real question is", I spoke even quieter, "if it is possible to judge such a state. It was not fun. It was not what you wanted. It was survival. Can we judge that?"

I placed a kiss on his chin. "We need to stop worrying about what should have been and start working with what we have. I am glad you are still alive with me. I understand you. I hope you can heal."

Loki steadied his breathing and opened his eyes.

"Besides", I said, smiling down at him; "you have every right to be angry. I am still angry about what Odin said to you before you got here."

Loki smirked softly and raised an eyebrow. "You listened?"

"Behind a column", I answered and couldn't help but blush.

He laughed. "I am not sure if I want to know what parts of my life you also witnessed that way."

I remembered a specific incident where Loki was showering and I brought towels into the shower. Where I accidentally threw a look around the corner, catching him massaging shampoo into his hair with closed eyes. "No, you don't want to know."

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No, in this fanfic Frigga won't die. Why? Because I want to.