Yellowed

Chapter 14; Anamnesis

I dashed out of that old room feeling betrayed and promised that I would not be trusting anyone anymore. I felt like I was figuring everything out with him, but it turned out that I was just all by myself. And he was just exploiting me. The more I tried to think of all the things I had known, the more I tried to figure out the perfect words for this situation, and the more confused I felt. The more I tried to escape, the worse I felt. 

The bell rang, and students came out of the classrooms. I wiped the uncontrolled tears continuously rolling down my cheeks and walked briskly so as not to be noticed by anyone, but I already saw Paul coming in my direction, "Flavus," he shouted right at the same time that his eyes fell on me. It was impossible to avoid him now. 

I forced the tears back and tried to seem calm as I looked up at him.

"Hey, what's up?" he said cheerily as he watched me closely. "Why so glum?" I just shrugged and continued walking.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he pleaded.

"No, nothing, it's just I am a little bit tired," I tried to get away, but Paul was like a magnet that just dragged me back with some questions I did not want to answer.

"Tell me," he said forcefully, "what's wrong? Something must be wrong if you look like this; what happened?"

"It's not your business!" I said with a stern tone. "Stop asking me questions. You wouldn't understand me, okay? Just... Just leave me alone!" I shouted without thinking. As I speed my walking pace again, I left him just standing there. I know it was stupid of me to do that, but I didn't even really understand why I was doing it.

I made it further into the parking lot when I saw Paul running right behind me. So I immediately went inside my car and drove away. I just drive with nowhere to go. I kept driving and driving and again and again, just trying to take all my pain with me. Until I ran out of gas. I stopped and took a deep breath. Right then, I started sobbing again, but this time harder, as I nodded my head. "Why me?" I asked myself, with no one to answer me.

I get out of the car and kick the front wheel. I know it would not give me an answer, but it may somehow ease the heaviness I am feeling right now. It was then a car pulled over, and a strong hand gripped my shoulder. I turned around so fast and saw it was Paul.

"What?" I shouted, scared and confused.

"Hey, calm down," he said as he looked me in the eyes. I'm just looking at his blurry figure as I try to compose myself. 

"I just can't... I can't... I can't... I can't..." all of the words get stuck at the tip of my tongue, and it happened again, the visions of Mr. Gray and I forcefully playing in my head, squeezing it like it was about to explode. 

I close my eyes for a moment, "Flavus, what's wrong? What's happening to you? Are you okay?" His words became just background noise, and all I can see are those visions of Mr. Gray by now. We were running in the middle of a rice field along a lane that cuts through the farmland. A beautiful wind was blowing through my hair and his. 

I was running, trying to catch him, but he was fast as ever. There wasn't a time that I could catch him, but when he saw that he was getting too far away, he would slow down and keep his pace with me. 

We were just happy that we were running together. "I love this," he said in between breaths. "Running in the middle of a rice field. I love how the sunlight shines on the rice," he laughed as he slipped a little on a pile of dirt and fell down. Due to his laughter, I slipped, but I immediately sat beside him. "How about you? Do you like this better now? Or your old running?" I asked in between my laughs. There's a reason why I do not really want to answer this question. I did not understand what was happening to my heart. Or to my head because these two were no longer on the same wavelength anymore.