Yellowed

Chapter 24; Rides and Rain

It was not far from where I stopped, not because I was exhausted. I can still drive even with this hazy vision, but I can't because I ran out of gas. I looked at my phone again and saw the last message I sent to Mr. Gray. "Carnival," it says. 

And there it is. In the middle of the town, there was a carnival. From here, I could see a pile of rides, but droplets of rain started to shower, making it evident that there would be fewer people tonight. 

I composed myself and got out of my car. Just as I expected, it was chilly and wet. It was raining but not the rain that would make you look for a shade, but the one you may tolerate when walking to your next class—that kind of rain.

The cheerful sounds of laughter and the dazzling carnival lights should bring joy to any child, yet I can't help but feel my heart sink as I take in the scene before me. I find myself wishing I could trade places with the other children, who have experienced this kind of joy before, and yet I can't help but feel like an outsider in this crowd. Instead of reminding me of happy family memories, the carnival only serves to highlight the lack of them in my life. All I have ever known are campaign rallies and meetings with my dad and other politicians - this is my first time experiencing a carnival or an amusement park or any place where families usually hang out.

As I make my way inside, I only see a few people. There were parents and their kids. I can see them holding balloons, looking for rides and food. There were adults in rubber boots, with jackets and umbrellas. They seemed to be enjoying this kind of night. But for me, it was a sad night.

I braved through the rain and walked towards the carousel, the only ride that caught my eye. The wood carousel was the only old thing in the entire carnival. It has faded red and white paint and a few smiling animal bobbles on each ride, but most of them were, of course, horses. 

The rain poured harder and harder as I watched the rotation of the ride, a cold and lonely reminder of the fun I could have had. I got in line, five people including me, and paid for the ride, but I couldn't bring myself to sit on one of the animals. I just stood there, beside a smiling horse, as the carousel started to move. The sound of the rain drowned out the laughter of the people around me and I felt more alone than ever. I was surrounded by happy people, yet I felt so isolated and I could only watch as they enjoyed the ride. The rain kept coming down, but I could not bring myself to move; I was content to stand there in the steady downpour, a sodden reminder of the joy I could have experienced.

But since I am alone, I kinda liked the feeling. I stood there motionlessly looking out at the people, the lights, the vintage rollercoaster, and the merry-go-round, at everything this place offered that was supposed to make you happy. That's the one I was once told. But rain... the rain proved that it was not always the case. 

Then I just lost myself. I didn't even need to close my eyes; as I rotated with the carousel, I saw him walking toward me with a yellow umbrella in his right hand. He wore a simple leather jacket on top of his black slacks and light-colored shoes. He walked with a strong and steady pace, with light steps, and his eyes fixed on where I was while he avoided stepping in the slushy puddles.

In every turn of the carousel, he comes closer and closer, but not close enough for me to see him fully. But I am certain that it was him. The carousel turned again, and this time, he was much closer that I started to get to look directly into his eyes as he gazed back, and at that moment, it was like the carousel turned so slow. It carried me to the other side, but I just kept on looking at Gray as he was in the middle of the rain, just waiting for the ride to stop. But it went on a few turns before it halted. I came out of the carousel and looked back. He was still standing in the rain, watching me as I came out of that ride. I stood there for a moment but then sort of walked toward him just to catch his attention. I wanted to see if he would hand me the umbrella.