Yellowed

Chapter 23; The Lies

The bell rang. And without having a second thought, I immediately pick up my things and put them in my bag. I looked at my watch, and it was still a little early, but I was so excited to spend time with Gray again.  

I thought I would meet him in his office so we could go to the rooftop together. Still, I thought it would be too obvious that I was that excited t see him, so I just went straight to the rooftop. I crossed the field, occasionally dodging the student playing soccer in the sun's heat. Eventually, I reached building B and went to the rooftop. I inhaled the cold air as I tried to cool myself, but unfortunately, it was starting to drizzle, which I found strange because the sun was still at its peak. 

I looked around, and I saw nobody. Then I came to think about Paul. We haven't been talking since we returned from the retreat, but I still look at him as a friend, and whenever I come here, I hope he will be here as well, watching the setting sun again. I walked towards the corner and watched the university grounds. I watched the shadows of the students stretch long across the field as they all shouted and teased each other in glee. 

As the rain began to fall, I closed my eyes and let the soothing sound wash over me. It was a gentle, rhythmic tapping that was almost hypnotic. My heart began to beat in time with the rain, and I felt myself relax even more.

But then, the sound of the door opening broke the peaceful silence. I knew who it was without even looking, and I waited for him to approach me. But instead of speaking, there was only silence. It was as if I was suddenly alone, despite his presence. It was a strange and eerie feeling, but I couldn't help but be drawn in by the mystery of it all.

I was about to turn around when I heard footsteps slowly approaching me. 

"Flavus?" the familiar voice called out, jolting me from my trance. My knees shook beneath me, weakened by the emotions that coursed through me. I turned to see her standing before me, her hair longer and her face more defined than the last time we met. Despite the changes, her eyes were the same - sad and teary, just like mine.

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as she embraced me, but I couldn't bear the weight of her embrace for long. I gently pushed her away, unable to fully face the flood of memories and feelings that she brought back.

"Flavus?" She said again. I was still looking at her and wondered what is she doing here. And what does she want? "I'm sorry, son. I'm so sorry," She said as she wiped the tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Sorry?" I managed to say in between my rattling voice. "That's all you can say? Sorry? Mom, it was almost four years. And it was right after my brother died. You left me alone to grieve like a baby who lost his toy." I paused and looked at her coldly as I asked, "And then you just showed up like this. Thinking that I would be happy to see you?" I began getting angry by now that my voice was actually getting louder. 

"I didn't mean to do that... It's just..." 

"Just what, mom?! Just what?! Just wanted to escape. Just wanted to avoid all the burdens that we might face. That you left me all alone. And every night, I asked myself why everyone had left me. I asked myself if I was the problem, and for god's sake, I asked that myself every night until it was not the question anymore. It became the answer." I was now speaking so fast that I didn't know if she was able to understand what I was saying

"Flavus, please, just calm down," she said. I stopped talking but couldn't control my tears, so I just let them flow. She looked down as she walked toward me and tried to take my hand, but I just waved his hand. 

"That's not true, Flavus. You're not the reason why I left. It's just that I was so lost... I lost your brother, and with him gone, I thought that my life was gone as well. I thought that if I stayed there, I would die." she said, breaking into tears.