Yellowed

Chapter 21; Home Again

This bed hasn't been this inviting since I left this house, but as I lie down on it and the smell of that old fabric conditioner Yaya Evy used lingered on me again. It makes me want to sleep on this bed forever. The same old comforter and pillows cover the bed; just like in the days of old, they sent a calmness down my spine. Knowing this comforter, probably a few moth holes in it, and the pillows, they have lost their shape and support, but I don't care. They comfort me more than any new comforter and pillows could bring.

"Flavio, you're here," Yaya Evy spoke from behind and startled me but I immediately parted myself from my bed and gave her a hug. "How are you now huh? I heard that you've been hospitalized last week. I tried to go but I can't there's so much to do here, how are you now?" she asked worriedly while touching my forehead and my neck.

"I'm fine now, Yaya, don't worry. It's just because of the weather that time, I'm completely fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Yaya. I'm sure."

"Okay, I believe you Flavio. By the way, I washed your bedding yesterday after you called," she said.

"Thanks, Yaya. I really missed my room," I responded.

"Really? Then why don't you spend the night here and actually sleep on your bed?" she asked. I pause for a minute and think about it. 

"I don't know, Yaya. I believe you already understand my reason right?" 

"Yes, and you know I respect that because I love you and I respect your mother but I am hoping that there will be a day that you and your father will reconcile and I always hoped that that day is every time you came back here," she said and tap my shoulder. 

I didn't answer her, instead, I just let out a huge sigh. I realize that she was right but I wondered if that day would ever come. It's been years since my mother left and I know that it wasn't just me who gets hurt. It's just as heartbreaking seeing him moping in his misery with his glazed eyes and unfocused mind. But I still can't deny that he is also one of the reasons why my mother left.

"I'll think about it," I simply said. 

"Just let me know if you've decided okay, I'll just prepare dinner so that you can eat before you go," she then left me alone. 

In the years that I haven't been living here, I don't think how different my room has become. It's smaller than my brother's room and I remembered that I cried when my mother said that it was going to be my room. I cried because I wanted my brother's room because it was bigger. But after I discovered the awesome view of the lake here I started to like it. 

I walked towards the window and there I once again saw the lake reflecting the orange sky. It was gleaming with a beautiful hue that no gem could ever give. I started to think about the time when I and my brother would sneak out to swim in the lake. I can only wish that one day, we would be able to do that again. 

I head out planning to go to the lake, but the uneven rectangular patch at the end of the hallway got my attention again. There used to be our family's portrait but now it was hanging in my dorm. When my mother left us, there wasn't a night that I would stare at that portrait, but I just look at my mother. I don't want to forget her face because I wanted to find her and be mad at her and tell her all the frustrations I have endured because she left me and my father. But It was the opposite when it comes to my brother's image. I wanted to forget him. Because every time I looked at his face, all I could remember is him hanging in his room. 

Then I turned around to stare at my brother's door. Since that incident happened, I stopped going to his room. And for years I tried to forget him. I tried to forget how he died and how I was partly to blame for that. But now I could no longer force myself to do that. I heard a faint sniffle coming from my brother's room. I froze in my place and wondered what was going on there. As fast as I could, I ran toward my room and grabbed the spare key that I have. I entered the room only to see that there was no one there. I forced myself to enter the room and a gust of wind sent a shiver down my spine. In an instant, I realized that the blankets that cover the bed were still the same but apart from that, everything changed. My brother's posters are gone together with his bulletin board where he posts his collections of black and white polaroids. And there are also two half-burnt candles sitting on the bedside table. I believe that it was Yaya Evy who put that there.