incandescent (3.)

NO OXYGEN.

HE GETS TO the door before I do, shutting it before I could walk away. A frustrated sob wracks through my body and I feel Roman's arms wrap around me like they always used to, only this time, the touch felt foreign. I push away from him, creating distance between us as I crouch down.

It felt like the hole in my heart, the hole that Sebastian left, the hole that Roman stitched up—it felt like it'd been ripped open and all that I'd done to heal myself had been for nothing. "I can't do this," I breathe, bringing my hand to my mouth. I catch sight of the scars, the ugly, ugly scars that I'd been left to deal with on my own.

"I-I know you love me, Braylen," Roman murmurs softly. I can barely hear him. It's all too much. "I know you do, I didn't mean that. I want everything with you. I love you."

I sniff, bringing my eyes up to his again. I see my own pain reflected in his own, but I don't care about that right now. I can't care about that right now. One broken heart was enough to deal with. "'I love you,'" I repeat, voice catching on the words. "That's what you say, Roman. You say you love me and want a future with me, but it feels like I am the only one fighting for anything here, Roman. And if you're so afraid of someone who's not in my life anymore, then what do we have here? What is there left to fucking fight for? God!"

I rest my elbows on my knees, taking deep belly breaths. I couldn't breathe still. There was no more oxygen. There was nothing to fight for.

"I don't want to live without you, Braylen. But I can't stay," Roman says, and he's crying too.

A sob wracks my body. "Can't? Or won't?"

Roman lets out a long shudder. "We want different things, here, Braylen! I have finally found a life that I'm comfortable with, that I'm happy with. And I want to stay there. I need to. I need to provide for my family, I need to have space and time to heal the things in my past that I haven't dealt with. You of all people should understand that!"

I stare at him incredulously. "Oh, no," I muttered, rising to my feet. "No, I understand completely. You're right; we want different things. You want it all. You want Italy and you want Verdant and you want me. The difference is I only want you."

"I don't know what to do, Braylen. I don't know what to do," he breathes, crying painfully now. I tried hard to ignore the sounds of his sobs, but I couldn't. I couldn't ignore his pain any more than I could ignore my own. No matter how hard I tried.

I sniff solemnly, walking the distance to him and pulling him against my body. I sobbed into the side of his shirt, tightening my arms around his waist and trying to breathe, trying to breathe. But there's no oxygen. There was nothing left.

"Stay," I mouth, pressing my cheek against his chest. "Just...just stay."