"I want to love you again, but I don't know how. Maybe I'm not like the moon. The moon is pure, an incandescent light in the midst of bitter darkness.
I have never been that forgiving."
WARNING: This is Book Three. If you have not read "affluenza"...
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I DON'T MAKE it back to the hotel until it's nearing 8:00 that night, after a long post-meeting conversation with Mrs. Jacobs turned into grabbing a few drinks with her and her wife, Camille. I shove my keycard into the door, listening to the lock inactivate before I push the door open completely, stepping inside with a loud sigh.
Braylen's there, sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the edge of the bed. His head whips up as I walk in and the first thing I think of is this morning, the sound of his broken voice asking me to stay. To come back. I swallow hard. "Hey," I mutter.
He gives me a halfhearted wave. "Hi," he whispers. He shifts a bit but makes no move to leave his position on the floor. "How did it go?"
I shrug out of my blazer, tossing it on the chair beside me and taking a seat next to him on the floor. "Good," I respond, brushing his thigh with mine. He moves away. "What's going on?"
There's a pause in which I'm guessing he's deciding whether or not to tell the truth. "It's stupid," he murmurs, sucking in his bottom lip.
"I don't care if it is," I respond, nudging his shoulder. "Tell me anyway."
He raises his head, looking at me fully for the first time. "This morning. What I said. It was stupid."
"Why?" I ask. His brows furrow.
"Why is it stupid, or why did I say it?"
I shrug. "I don't know. Both."
"It was stupid because I'm not supposed to want that, after all this time. I'm supposed to push you away, I'm supposed to move on. It's stupid that I haven't. Stupid that I can't," he spits before sighing softly. "But I said it because it was true."
I blink at him before sighing softly. "Well, if it's true then there's no way it could ever really be stupid."
Braylen groans, tilting his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. "You're not helping. I need you to be an unbiased third party and I need you to tell me it's ridiculous that I still love you."
"You know I can't do that," I murmur. He heaves a long sigh before resting his head on my shoulder instead. "I'm sorry. I'm an awful unbiased third party."
"Yes, you are," he agrees and I can hear the laugh in his voice.
I link my fingers through his. "I'm not going anywhere Braylen. In your car that day after I drove you home, you said something. About me not understanding your pain because—"
"Because you'd never know how much it hurts to lose someone like you. I remember."
"You were right. I won't get it. Because in my eyes I am nowhere near as special and important as you," I whisper, squeezing his hand. "You lost me, but I left you behind. And it hurt. I'm in no position to go through that pain again. I'm not going anywhere. I'm smart enough to stay this time."
