Hated Ties (Book 3. Ties)

Epilogue

"You know those moments when you just look at the people around you and feel happy to be there? Not because they're doing something but just because you have endless love for them. That's how I feel now," I say with conviction.

My therapist smiles at me. She is not much older than me but boy is she more emotionally put together than me. "I am glad that you are at this point now, Mackenzie. It has been a long time coming though." Cheyenne's eyes crinkle in a way that has always made me feel welcome in her office because I know her expressions are genuine.

I laugh because it is true. It has only taken like two years of therapy and different psych meds. No big deal. Pfft. That's what people don't tell you. You will be in therapy for a fat minute. Apparently, you can't be happy overnight. I in particular can say I am exceptionally headstrong. This is good, but it is also bad.

The good part is that I am stubborn and tenacious enough to keep coming to therapy because I want to be better. I want to be healthier for my family but most importantly for me. The bad part... Well, it is hard to move on from the past. Obviously, I cannot forget what has happened to me. What I can try to do is not let it hold me back. That's the hardest thing to do. It's like jumping over a puddle but you don't completely make it over. Sure your shoes aren't soaked but you still got splashed a bit. You can wipe off the water but you still feel grimy. You still know that you got wet and have to walk around like that. There have been days when I don't want to get up. There have been days that I cannot do a single damn thing. It's like laziness and procrastination are taking hold of my body. Well that's what we call depression.

Even when I had my baby growing in me and reminding me I had to care about me, there were times when I just could not. Memories of Declan could keep me down for days. Even without clear memories, there were certain feelings that persisted in my chest. Thankfully, I had Levi and lots of support from friends and family. When people say it takes a village to raise a child, I didn't realize they meant up until adulthood. Because goddamn! I couldn't have done it alone. Honestly, I would have been dead a long time ago. I know. I know what you're thinking. It's a terrible thing to say. But hey! Give a girl a chance.

I grew up isolated from my family. I have been sexually abused more than once. On technical terms, I am a child of divorce even if it happened late in my teens. Got my heart broken so many times, both romantically and not. I had to see my dad become fragile and die. There have been so many other things that have hurt that I could write a whole saga about them. For now, I am just going to take it day by day and live my life.

After my hour with Cheyenne, I make my way home back to my family. Back to the present where I belong. I roll the windows down on the way home and think of the preparations that will occupy my time once I am home. I cherish the thought. My baby girl turns one! To think I had dreaded becoming a mother once upon a time. I love her to pieces. Naturally we have to throw her a birthday party. The little girl that Levi really thought was going to be a boy is such a daddy's girl who has him wrapped around her finger.

Everyone is due to arrive at 5 for the party, so I jump right into the decorating. Robin, my guy, has been the best babysitter these last two days. It is quite amusing that Levi despised him for a while and now he is his daughter's favorite person. My little ray of sunshine has her Uncle Robin running in the backyard. She looks like she can keep running for hours on end, whereas Robin is about to collapse from heat exhaustion. Since it is Texas, October is still plenty hot. "C'mon, Sol, let's take a break. Your mom is here," he points towards me. The distraction works because she comes running towards me in that stiff way babies run.

Immediately her hands go up. "Hi," I squeal as I carry her into my arms. I shower her with kisses which causes her to giggle in the most adorable way. "Did y'all have a blast," I ask Robin.