Hated Ties (Book 3. Ties)

5. Punch-Jab

I know this is SO late... Sorry. I started a new job, and I'm going to begin volunteering at yet another place. Please have some patience with me.

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As I walk away from Nicholas in the kitchen, my chest feels like there is a fire spreading, and it is making it uncomfortable to breathe.

"Mackenzie," Robin calls as I pass by the living room. Rudely, I ignore him and continue walking to my room. I lock the door behind me and get on my phone. I search the web and in less than half an hour, I have a driver waiting outside. With black boots, instead of the slippers I was wearing earlier, and a crossbody purse, I leave the house as quietly as I can. There's no Robin and no father in sight, so I make a run for it.

I make it to the car without incident.

The driver seems to be around my age, but who can actually distinguish age by looks nowadays? Twelve year olds look like they are eighteen, so it is unfair to judge people by their appearance. Though I already knew that. Now I am wondering how old people think I am.

"Is this it," the girl asks.

Luckily, I am able to distract myself from the pressing issues in the back of my mind. Jenna, as that is my driver's name, speaks for the majority of the ride and only stops when the traffic gets bad. When her conversation ceases, my inner babbling about age begins. And now we are here.

"Oh yes. Thanks for the ride."

"Have a nice day." She smiles at me.

I get to the door and cross the threshold. A person I have never met before receives me. "Can I help you," a middle-aged woman asks.

"Kyle isn't working today?"

She looks at me with saddened eyes, and I just know what is going to come out of her mouth. Visiting the animal shelter that had brought me comfort years ago is supposed to provide me with that again. I need support, and I cannot seem to get it anywhere the way I want it. Kyle passed away.

When Johnathan's memory had been untainted and I needed a place to mourn without actually having to cry, I came to this place. This shelter was my sanctuary. Conversations with Kyle and the attention of the animals got me through my period of grief of losing the brother I had onced loved. Now that sweet man is gone.

"Thank you for your time, ma'am." I leave and don't know what to do.

My legs take me to the side of the building, and I slowly start sinking to the floor. This is another blow to me. From the moment Declan's betrayal was brought to light, my life has been at a steep downfall. Almost dying was the lowest point, since it was such a failure and made things worse. But right now I am dumbfounded. I am unsure what part of the graph these events make up. The graph is a negative one; I know that. What I cannot see is whether this has gotten into the negatives or if it is at a low two maybe one. I am so confused.

My hand is coming towards my mouth because the sobbing is too loud. There is no one visibly outside, but the fact that I am heaving in public lets me know how out of control I really am. The control I think I possess is not actually mine to command. Sure I have been suppressing most of my feelings to the point of feeling numb, but more shit has been added to my pile. 

Kyle is dead. A man who only had positivity and affection to offer is dead. My dad is dying. He wants us to be in each other's lives like if that was so simple. And dammit! There is a small part of me that wants that. But what is the point when all I am trying to do is convince myself to try to leave for good one more time?

My body is still shaking, but I have a better grip on myself now. Once again, I call a driver. This time I do not keep up with the conversation; I just sit here in the gray seat as I stare blankly out the window. With a short expression of gratitude, I exit the vehicle because the restaurant I had set my mind to is in front of me.