Hated Ties (Book 3. Ties)

2. Memories

My declaration sent my mom over the edge, and I am sorry I caused her pain but not because of what I said. I mean every word that leaves my lips. I cannot live this life that has destroyed me. I pity myself because I failed yet again to make me happy. My suicide attempt had been futile.

Death had not carried me away in her arms. She left me here to remember how broken I am and how life has beat me to a pulp. I feel like there is nothing left of me. My own despair has dragged me down to a hole I do not want to try to climb out of. I am over and I still want this life to be over.

What is the point in staying in a place that has offered more devastation than compensation? The good things are not enough anymore.

"How can you say that, Mackenzie," my mom yells.

My eyes slowly lift to hers. The feelings I had when I had first woken up are gone. I do not feel anything. No pain or happiness in my mind or heart. I cannot feel. Lazily, I say, "I am really tired," my eyes are growing heavier with time, "can I rest now?"

In my mom's eyes, I see the objection, but Mike saves me. 

"We should let her rest," he tells my mom. Mike turns his head to me. "I am going to call a doctor to come check on you." He is not asking but telling me, so all I do is shut my eyes.

Like promised, a doctor comes into my room a few minutes after Mike leaves. The doctor's voice wakes me up, since I was already asleep again. "How do you feel?"

"Can you ask easier questions? I'm too tired," I tell him. 

"Do your wrists hurt," he continues with his questions. 

I glance down at the bandaged wrists. "Yes."

Eventually, he leaves me alone again. My sleepiness is only fortified with the medicine he put in my IV bag before he left. I let the tranquility take me. But to my utter disappointment, my dreams are filled with memories I wish I could obliterate. 

I was little, not sure how old. Like usual, I played with my dolls upstairs. The door to my playroom was opened, so I turned to look at who was at the door. 

"What are you doing, May," he asked. 

I raised one my dolls and jiggled her in front of his face. "I'm playing, duh," I said in my girly voice that of a child. 

"You're so pretty," he told me as he ran his hand through my hair. 

"I know. Momma says so too," I replied. "You want to play with my dolls," I asked.
He moved behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I was confused as to why he was hugging me, so I just stopped moving. Johnathan kissed my cheek then my shoulder. He released me and left the room. His actions had bewildered me, specially since I was so young, but I ignored the thoughts and continued playing with my dolls.

After more dreams and memories, I wake up the next morning at the sound of a door opening. I glance in the direction of the door and see Stephanie and Mike walking in. 

Before either can say anything, I speak up. "I don't want to hear you tell me I made a mistake. I don't want to be reprimanded."

Mike's face is uncharacteristically serious. Mike has always been a person with a smile on his face. There have been times in the past that life has been hard for him.  

His father used to be an alcoholic, so that period of his life had been rough. But no matter how bad his life was at home, at school, he was a joy to be around. I went home with him though. I had seen first hand how severe things could get. His father never laid a hand on Mike or me because Mathew, Mike's older brother, would hide us. Mathew was only one year older than us, but he had always been much more than his years. Mike and I were both ten when his father went through a dark time in his life, but he got the help he needed and became the father and husband he was supposed to be.

"I'm not here to reprimand you. I'm here to offer you something," Mike says. Stephanie stays silent and looks mad just like you would expect. 

I try to push a button that controls the bed and the television, but I can't. It too hard to hold down the button; it hurts so much. Mike sits on the edge of my bed and pushes the button for me. Stephanie begins to look teary-eyed. As Mike pushes the button, Stephanie and him wait for me to say something. "What are you offering," I ask once I'm situated. 

"What I should have done long ago. I knew I shouldn't have left you here." His eyes falter for a second, but he resumes with what he wants to explain. "I want you to come home with me." He can see the protest forming on my lips, so he speaks before I can put my two cents in. "Not permanently. Edward and I thought it would be a good idea for you and Robin to take a little vacation at our ranch. You both need something to clear your minds after suffering through the things you did."

Edward and Mike had been living together for two years in an apartment. Before their last lease came up, they looked for homes to move into permanently. They chose a ranch to live in and have been there for a little less than a year. 

"You should go with Mike, Mackenzie. Clearly nothing here is good enough for you," Stephanie states flatly. "I haven't been a good enough support apparently." Her voice is tainted with anger.
"This isn't about you, Stephanie. It doesn't matter where I go anymore. Every place reminds me of bad things." I can't control the tear that falls down my cheek. "I'm just so tired of... remembering how unhappy I have been my whole life."

Mike moves his hand to hold mine, but for a second I flinch. His hand goes back to his lap, and he tells me, "sorry."

"I'm just on the edge of touch right now." I am in a fragile state right now. I am unable to withstand anything at the moment.

"You've never been to my home, Zee. I want you to be with me. Don't you feel like this would be good for Robin?"

At the mention of Robin, I feel the guilt spread over me. "If he wants to go... I'll concede. I owe him that much." I avert my gaze from my closest friends' observing eyes.

"I already asked him, and he said if you want to go, he wants to as well." 

I shake my head. "I still want to talk to him."

"Fine, we'll bring him to you."

I shake my head once. "No. He's more injured than I am."

Mike clears his throat and looks at Stephanie before he speaks. "Right now, you're the weak one. He's in better shape than you are. You had a blood transfusion and are still recuperating."
I nod without looking at them. 

*****
Another week went by before we left to Texas. The important matter is not how long we have waited to leave but the fact that we are on our way to the place I called home. In a few hours we are going to be in a place I have not stepped foot in in more than six years.

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Hey, guys. I know this seems depressing as shi*, and it is. I don't agree with the way Mackenzie dealt with her pain, but I am not her. Only she knows what is truly running through her mind. And soon she'll tell us exactly how she's feeling. That is one of the reasons I wrote this third book in this perspective.

I hope y'all like this so far. Remember this is still about romance.

[Song: Murder Song by Aurora]

P.S. Happy New Year