You care!!

Baz Pitch

His shoulders drop away from my hands as he falls to sit on the bed again. I follow, careful to move slowly. I don't know what he's thinking but I need to be cautious of what I do. He whispers something, his hair is flopped over his face. "I don't know where it came from Baz." His head is level with mine, I stare at his fired eyes. I want him- He needs to know I'm listening. He didn't stop,

"I just was watching you sitting there, and you were so worried and my body felt like fire when you were close. And it's not the first time. I think about you all the time, the stench of fucking bergamot drives me insane, I thought it was because I hate it but it's because it's you." He feels it too? The fire? He knows how I smell? My chest burns.

"I think about you all the time. Literally all the time do you know how fucking annoying that is?" Yes. Yes I do. More than you could think.

"I used to say ''oh it's only because he's always trying to KILL ME''" It wasn't always, and it wasn't like I wanted to do it.

"but Penny always called bullshit." She's always been too smart for her own good. Simon's pacing around our room now. He's gotten himself worked up but he needs this I can tell. I can hear his heart, it's so loud. That can't be healthy.

"She was right though. She shouldn't have been but she was." She was?

"You drove me insane, but that kiss." That KISS. The burning in my chest spreads to my face.

"Oh my god I wanted it, and I'm so happy it happened." So am I. I am too Simon. This can't be real right now. Is he confessing to me?

"But now I don't know. I don't know what to do or what this makes me. Or us. I don't know how you feel, or really how I feel. I haven't had a chance to think." He's panicking. He shouldn't be. He's stopped pacing now which is something but his heart is still racing. I keep looking at his chest. His heart shouldn't be beating that heavily. Is he really this worked up? Or anxious? I pull my eyes back to his face but my eyes flick back now of their own accord, I'm fighting with myself. He's staring at me. I don't think I'll ever get used to that. He's stunning, freckles covering every inch of skin I can see but his eyes. They're a wonder and they're looking directly at mine. He moves to sit next to me, closer than before. He takes my hands in his and I can't stop staring at where they're connected. I hear him inhale, slowly. His heart slows slightly.

"That's not on you. None of this is. I don't know the answer to a lot of things but I know that I don't want to go back to how we were, I know that today you made me laugh when I felt like shit, that I want to spend more time with you like this, and that I really hope you don't want to go back either..." He... doesn't want to go back. I don't care about anything else, he doesn't want to go back and he's glad the kiss happened. Nothing else matters. My cheeks tug at my mouth as I bring my eyes up to his. I have so many things that I want to say to him, to tell him how I've felt but right now he needs an answer. One sentence. Possibly the most important sentence I could say in my life so far.

"I don't want to go back either Simon."

He launches at me, throwing me onto my back with him on top. My arms wrap around his waist and pull him as close as I physically can without crushing him even though he has no problem using his body to deprive me of oxygen. I'd let him rid my lungs of everything they need a million times over if I was allowed to stay in this moment. He pushes himself up, his hands either side of my head. He's beaming. He's breathtaking, I want to swear to him to make him smile like this everyday. I know I'm smiling just as much if not more than him. I bring my head up as high as I can, our lips brush each other. My heart hammers, meet me halfway. He does. His head dips slightly and pressure falls onto my lips. It's warm. He's so warm, our lips move against each other. Gentle. Careful with one another. I could almost forget the outside world.

Almost.

I go to run my hands up his back but my fingers are met by scratches. Simon pulls away slightly, hissing quietly. "Jesus Simon, I totally forgot I didn't finish. Sit up. Now." How could I have forgotten that he is literally sitting with some of the more aggressive scratches and claw marks all down his back? God I've been so focused on whether he likes me. Shit. I move from under him, sitting him up and coming behind him to see his back. I whip my head around, scanning for my wand. I spot it on the floor in front of Simon's feet, when it fell down, I have no idea. I jump off the bed to grab it when I feel a hand on my arm. I turn and see Simon staring up at me.

"I'm fine, really. Sit down Baz. Please." His eyes dart to the bed next to him. "I need to know how you feel. I know I said I don't have many answers on my end but you must have things you want to say. You usually do," a laugh bursts from his lips and I sit, chuckling with him. He's right though, I have things to say.

I feel sick. But it's time.