Through the dark

Back to Cali

I was grateful that most of the holiday went by in a blur. My Aunts, Uncles, cousins and their families all arrived at mom's house shortly after noon. Thankfully there were so many people that I can just blend into the background. Sure I got the occasional; "how are things going out west" "are you enjoying your new job" "how are you liking the weather" but no more personal than that. My moms and siblings were so excited about our upcoming trip to Europe that that was where most of the conversation went. We open more presents enjoyed a great meal and then everybody went home.

Kate and I stayed in Maryland through the New Year. My siblings were extremely disappointed when I said that I was having a migraine on New Year's Eve so I couldn't join them to celebrate. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to handle a night club. All those people; all those guys it would be a reminder of the last night that I went to a nightclub. The night that everything changed in my life. When I decided to go out to celebrate my birthday without Kate. If I hadn't been so stupid as to realize that he was looking for more than I wanted to give. But I couldn't change what happened all I can do is try to move on and never let anyone know.

Finally it was time for us to head back to California where I could escape into work and hide in my room if Kate ever seemed too invested in my mood. This time on the plane ride home I was smart I drank a Red Bull and coffee the whole flight home. It made for bathroom breaks galore but I didn't fall asleep. Once we got home we only had a day to get readjusted to the time zone before it was back to work. That was fine with me I liked my job and even though Brad was a guy I wasn't afraid of him he didn't make me feel uncomfortable. He was young for owning a company at only 35 but he was smart and easy going. I've been working at the company for about a year and I love the work.

Most people don't like Mondays after vacation but I am happy to go back to the office. I love my sister but I feel so guilty just being in the same room with her. I know she can tell something is wrong but she doesn't want to push and I don't want to talk about it. So I gratefully head into the office so I can bury myself into work. Kate reminds me as I head out that I need to request the time off for our vacation.

I arrive early as usual going straight to my office on the 4th floor of the office building. It's not a huge office though some would argue otherwise. My office is next to Brads corner office so of course even though I was trying to avoid people there he was standing in the doorway.

"Hey you know we really should carpool. We are here nearly the same time every day." He says with a smile.

"I don't think Greg would like that very much and think of all the gossip." I reply with a smirk.

Ever since we met; the day Kate and I moved in Brad has been like another big brother.  Of course Kate thought he was gorgeous and immediately started flirting with him.  It was a bit embarrassing when Greg came out and planted one on him on his way to work.  They are the sweetest guys I've ever met but Greg never lets us live that down.  Especially since Brad offered me a job by the end of dinner the next evening.  We've been the best of friends since.  That's why I've been avoiding them since my birthday.  They'd never look at me the same if they knew.

"Ah yes the gossip, the jealousy, oh the scandal!" Brad says dramatically as he comes over to give me a hug.

I don't know why.  I guess it's my reflex now but I recoil away from him and a look of shock passes on his face.

"I think I'm coming down with something.  Best not to get too close."  I say trying to excuse my behavior.

"Oh gross travel germs!  Ok I won't be offended then.  You're sure you are ok?"

"Absolutely!  I'll just do a juice cleanse and stock up on vitamin C."

"That sounds like a good plan.  I will send Chrissy to the club when she gets in.  Do you want the usual?"

"Sure that is fine." I say as I head into my office.  He follows me in and sits on the edge of my desk.

"I can't put my finger on it but something isn't right." He is looking at me trying to figure it out.

"Oh before I forget!  Mom got my siblings and I a trip to Europe in April for Christmas.  I know it's soon so if you're not ok with me taking time off just say so."  I say in a hurry trying to get him to stop trying to dig up my secret.

"Really? That's fantastic! Why wouldn't I give you the time off? Actually knowing you it won't be time off. I saw you completed the mock up for two of your clients while on holiday."

"I like to stay on top of things and I wasn't into after Christmas sales."  I reply as I start to check my mail.  Truth is I told my family I had deadlines this way I could keep up in my room as much as possible.  I've been avoiding crowds ever since that night.  The fear of someone touching me or smelling the same cologne he wears is constantly with me.

"Well I hope your family doesn't have a bad impression of me because you're a workaholic.  Though I'm sure Kate spoke highly of me."  He laughs and I can't help but to join him.

"Of course she did.  So I guess this means I'm clear for the trip to Europe then?"  I almost will him to say no.

"Absolutely!  I just wish I was going with you.  Do you know your plans yet?" 

"I know we are starting in England and then I think France."

"Well there is so much to see and do that isn't just the typical tourist stuff.  Oh you must go to a match while you are there!"

"Tim may very well enjoy that.  But I don't know.  I guess we will see if anyone is playing and if we can get tickets."  Again the thought of crowds makes me nauseous.

"I will arrange it and let you know.  One direction is also on tour I'll see if your dates match up and get you tickets!"  He exclaims his excitement at the possibilities of things he can "help" with evident on his face.

He doesn't seem to notice my uneasiness as he makes plans for me to be surrounded by people.  As he keeps talking I close my eyes and try to breath through the panic building in me.  He must see it then because he stops talking about it and says

"Hales; are you going to be sick?  Maybe you should go home.  Whatever bug you picked up from traveling is turning you pale."

"No no I'm fine.  But it's probably best we get to work and close the door just in case."

He nods his head then heads towards the door.  He hesitates as if he wants to say something but shrugs closing the door as he leaves.  As promised about an hour later Chrissy wearing a mask and gloves opened the door and sat my drink on the table right on the inside.  I laugh at the theatrics though I understand why; no one wants to get sick in LA.  There's too much to do and too many people.  It's one of the things I used to love about living here. 

Work is pretty uneventful for the next few weeks as I stay in my office having lunch delivered and working on the finishing touches of my latest mock up for In and Out.  Before I know it we are at the middle of March. My family is super excited about our upcoming trip. One Friday evening Kate text asking if I'll be home for dinner so we can call everyone and make final arrangements.  It's about 4 o'clock so I should head out because with traffic I won't be home until 5 even though we don't live too far from the office.  I shoot Kate a text, gather my things and head to the parking garage.  I'm so absent minded just trying to get to my car as quickly as possible I don't even notice him as he walks into the elevator.  But I know it's him before I see him as his cologne hits my nose.  All of a sudden I'm trapped in that room with him on top of me and no way to make him stop no matter how much I protest.