The Rant Book

The Wattpad posers

The Wattpad Posers

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Welcome to the latest episode of 'The Wattpad Posers'. Here we gladly and mindlessly point out the essentials it requires for you to become a poser. So, do you have what it takes to become a Wattpad poser? Tune in to find out.

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Ah! I've always wanted to do that. It felt awesome.

So, awesome people... Hello again! :)

It is true that we are all here for a reason. No, I'm not talking about our lazy ass being on Earth for a reason or anything because even I woudn't know that. What I'm saying is that we all have a mutual reason to be here on Wattpad.

Actually, there are two reasons.

Firstly, for our love for reading and writing (even though some of us still loves to write rants. Show some respect people) and secondly, to become famous.

But more often then not, we end up expecting a lot more than we get. We expect for overnight popuarity because we have confidence in our works, in our writing.

That reminds me, I have a book that is grammatical and punctuation error free and totally worth your time. Yes, I am shamelesly advertising my book on here and I don't care. Even this is my book, remember?

Anyway, I'm losing the point. My point is we end up waiting for popularity to kiss our ass, in the process we end up kissing a million people's ass.

So is there an easier way?

I'm glad to tell you, yes yes there is. What, you may ask?

I'll tell you. Become a poser. Don't know how, what or which type? Read on to find out.

Warning- I have used heavy sarcasm, don't worship every word I say so seriously, though dare I say I'd get flattered if you do!

Okay, so there are many kinds of posers. Choose any one or all of them.

=> The Nerd

 It is more than obvious if you love writing and reading books even on weekends, you probably have a social life as active as me. In other words, you don't have one. And it doesn't take a big amount of mind-wrecking to make out you are a nerd. But even if you aren't, worry not Wattpadder, you can always pose as one.

It's the new hot trend on Wattpad. Your 'About Me' section should be filled up with enough proof that you are a nerd even if you aren't. Scream at people and tell them you're a nerd. That'll make them believe you probably have a very good vocabulary all thanks to enourmous number of hours reading the Oxford dictionary while watching CSI.

They will read your stories no matter if its crappy because you know, you can never be wrong. After all, you are the nerd. I am- I was- a nerd and its not that bad. Here, on Wattpad it couldn't be better.

=> Self Pitying Loner

After you write one of the best chapters of your story, always end your author's note or broadcast message. 'I am not happy with this chapter. Its bad. I write horribly. Oh, I'm a loser."  This way, your fans will appreciate your sorry ass way too much, making you all giddy with happiness. Ain't it awesome? Also, that way if you actually post a crappy chapter, people will pity your self-confidence and you won't get criticism. They'll praise you even for that because of course, we all pity sorry butt loners. ;)

=> Extremely Friendly

Go with abundance use of smiley faces with every sentence you end. This will make your personality more likeable and people will fan and praise you. You can try, 'Hi! :) I'm 'Poser" (LOL what?) ;) You're awesome. ;) Thanks for fanning. :D :) I hope you like my posing. :P:);) XOXO'.

Yes, the 'XOXO' is a must

=> Pretend To Be A Guy

Believe it or not, the hormonol teenage girls are on a run these days and some are desperate enough to settle for the smallest of attraction with a complete stranger online who might turn out to be a 40 year old fat-ass with a huge belly from behind the computer. Even if you aren't a guy, you can pose. That's the reason you are still reading this.

It is very effective, and describing you are single and ready to mingle and that you are quite the 'player' will get you many flirtasses.

=> Pretend To Be A Gay

Yes, a gay. With all the meanies that are filling up the world, the gay people are taking upon themselves to save their dignity and respect. Though we all respect them (except for narrow-minded outcasts) we all are willed by their struggle for justice.

Pretend to be one and write such books, I'm sure you'll be famous in no time.

(I'm in no way making fun of gay people and I respect them. They are braver than all of us. So don't take everything I say so seriously.) It's just that all I know here is that when you 'pretend' o fight for a cause, they'll be attracted to your works!

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That's all for now readers. Sayonara! :) (Look who's using a smiley face!!)

Love ya'll lovlies,

Kiara