i love her, but i'm a girl [tagalog] (on going)

Chapter II.

Ashley POV

Hi im Ashley, im now seating in one of the bench here at the gym. Alone. Actually hinihintay ko mag start yung practice namin, im one of the cheerleaders here in King High. Hindi naman ako laging nag iisa lagi akong may kasama si Madison, ka cheerleader ko din pero ewan ko ba ngayong araw ang weird lang hindi ko maalis sa isip ko yung babaeng nabangga ko kanina, so eto ako tulala lagi ko naiimagine yung mukha niya, yung smile niya, yung titig niya. Kung totoo ang love at first sight malamang eto na yun. (love agad? PBB teens?) She was so cute I can’t get her out my mind. Alam ko oa pero ewan ko ba, then napangiti ako ng slight, kung may nakakita sakin malamang matatawag akong baliw kasi nangiti ako mag isa, just simply thinking about her.

FLASHBACK ASHLEY

                Kanina sa first class ko after ko siyang mabangga wala akong naintindihan about the lesson, pano ba naman sa whiteboard nag reregister dun yung every detail ng mukha niya. Natapos yung buong klase ng ganon yung tumatakbo sa isip ko. Puro siya.

                Tapos sa second class ko mas weird, napatingin ako sa may bintana and surprisingly I see her, kala ko nga nag iimagine nanaman ako, kinurot ko yung sarili ko para mas makasiguro. Nasaktan ako so it means totoo. Yung classroom sa kabilang building na katapat ng room namin ay classroom lang naman nung babae na kanina pa tumatambay sa isip ko. Wow, thank you ha? Mas lalo akong hindi makakapagconcentrate nito sa klase. Dahil sakanya.

                Kahit anong pigil, I can’t help it di ko mapigilan na di siya lingunin, na hindi tingnan yung direction kung asan siya. All the time nakikipagkwentuhan lang siya, sa katabi niya. Ang cute niya the way na nagbabago bago yung expression ng face niya still ang cute niya padin. I wonder if she know na may nakakatitig sakanya kaya nagpapacute siya ng ganito. Imposible. Cute lang talaga siya, naturally walang pilit.

LUNCH BREAK.

                Hinanap ko na siya, wondering kung san siya nakaupo, and viola I see her, she’s seating opposite to our direction. Kasama ko yung mga kacheering squad ko and some of the basketball players. Ang ganda niya talaga, nagkwekwento siya at tumatawa naman yung mga kasama niya. Kasama niya padin yung girl na kakwentuhan niya nung nakita ko siya kanina. How I wish naririnig ko din yung mga kinukwento niya and the way that she giggles.

                Third Class tulala padin ako, I don’t even notice na several times na pala akong tinatawag nung instructor namin, then my classmate at my back tap me, that’s when reality comes in “Mam” I said kabado. “Would you mind Ms. Davies about sharing kung ano ang iniisip mo? Mukang malalim at mas importante yan kesa sa tinuturo ko?” She says, while emphasizing the word importante. “Mam, it was nothing kabado lang po ako for the squad” I responded. “Ok, I know importante yan pero may tamang oras at lugar para dyan” she say then tumalikod na siya at tinuloy ang pagtuturo. Ganito sila dito sa King High kahit mag skip ka ng class ok lang basta your belong to the basketball team or to the squad kasi importante yun. Naalala ko nga last year, nung nagchampion ang King High sa basketball halos one week yung celebration and three days ata hindi regular yung klase, ganun sila dito kaya kung kasali ka sa squad or basketball team or kahit kaclose o kaibigan mo yung isa sa kanila it’s a label, iba ka, your popular, your perfect, your envy to others and you can also be the everything. So now you know kung bakit ang hirap sakin mag came out, sobrang ang daming mata ang mag jujudge sakin. Kami, yung mga nasa squad o nasa basketball team? Walang karapatan mag kamali kasi were perfect daw.

                Upon heading to my last class, napatigil ako. Tama ba ung nakikita ko? Yung babae na kanina pa umoocupy ng isip ko ay pumasok sa room ko, does it mean classmate ko siya? Wow. Since then hindi na nawala yung smile ko, excited akong pumasok sa room namin. Nakita ko siya, nakaupo sa my middle gusto ko sana siyang tabihan pero wala na occupy na yung mga seat sa paligid niya. So no choice, naupo ako kung san may vacant and that was two seat behind her, ang layo. How I wish lumingon siya, at marecognize niya ako. Pinapractice ko na nga pano siya ngingitian kung sakaling lumingon siya pero wala kumota na ata ako sa swerte ngayong araw hindi siya lumingon. Narinig kong tinawag siyang Spencer Carlin, nice name Spencer, unique like she was.

END OF FLASHBACK ASHLEY

                Naputol yung pag iisip ko ng marinig ko si Madison “Ash” “Why Madison?” “Are you ok?” She ask in a concern manner. “I am y?” I ask im quite confuse “Wala lang ang tahimik mo kasi, is there anything that bothering you? Kanina ka pang umaga ganyan.” Sabi ni Madison nasa boses niya padin yung pagiging concern she’s looking deeply into my eyes. That’s the reason why I love Madison, she cares about me. Isa si Madison sa mga naging kaclose ko nung napasali ako sa squad, I remember I thought she’s a bitch kasi ang dami niya ng naging ex lahat halos ng hot guys dito sa King High nabalitaang dinate niya and idagdag pa na she is the head of the cheering squad. Pero mali ako mabait si Madison, isa siya sa mga kaibigan na kaylangan talagang ivalue kaya coming out to her? Is not an option ayokong mawala siya because she freak out because im gay. “Ash?” Madison say, I think nag aantay siya ng respond ko. “It’s Nothing” then I smile to her a wild one para ma assure siya na wala talaga yun.

                “Si Aiden” sabi ni Madison sabay turo. Sinundan ko lang ng tingin yung tinuro niya then I see Aiden, I nod, he nod and then he smile “Sweet” sabi ni Madison. I just plainly smile, that was Aiden my boyfriend I don’t know if it’s right to call her my boyfriend because Aiden was gay yah the captain of the basketball team is actually gay, we agree to become “what so called boyfriend and girlfriend” in order for us to hide our true self.

                Aiden was hiding his true self from his family because he was so sure having a gay member from an army family can freak them out. And me? I’m just hiding myself to the people around me I don’t what to be judge because when you’re out? The people around you, the people who doesn’t even know you will eventually hate you in no particular reason it just that you’re gay.

                I’m so glad na natanggap ako ng parents ko when I show them the real me. Dad and Mom is so supportive all the way, they just love me on who I’am unconditionally, but that was not enough because I still want to be accepted by everyone so I choose to pretend.