My Little Dove

Chapter 45

Doves POV:

"Dove, are you seriously drunk? It's 11 am" Monica lectured

"So what?"

"You cannot drink yourself to death! What am I supposed to say when Bucky wakes up and asks for his smoking hot fiancé? 'Sorry dude, she drunk herself to death cause she thought you were dead'?"

"I don't know, Moni! It's been 2 weeks! 2 weeks of a bunch of fucking nothing!"

"We'll at least get out of the bed"

"You know? I really hate sleeping in this big bed by myself. Bucky was like a warm wall. I miss his, meaty body"

"Very interesting way to describe him" She scoffs, plopping down.

"He had this thing where he just liked to touch me. No matter how I was laying, he'd just wrap his big arms around me and pull me closer to him. Even on days when it was hot and I didn't wanna cuddle, he'd have a hand on my belly or my leg, or something. I thought it was cute and never mentioned it to him. I just knew it was a Buckys thing" I giggle to myself.  "What am I supposed to do, Monica? How am I supposed to live with myself?"

"I don't know how to respond to that, buttercup. But, you know no matter what happens, Bucky would always forgive you"

~

"Hey, baby. Work has been a pain In my ass lately. It's like people come in just to be assholes" I sigh. "And it's been so busy I barely have time to see you"

I go on a 20-minute rant about work and how annoyed I was with it all.

"And I've been drinking a lot. Well, not a lot but more than usual. It's not a habit I swear, it just takes my mind off things for a bit, ya know? I swear when you wake up I won't be drinking anymore"

"Ms. Lavender, I would like to discuss the changes in James' state"

I roll my eyes and look over at her. "Right now?"

"Well, any time today is fine"

"Okay, thank you. I'll call when I'm ready"

She nods and walks out.

"I know you're probably laughing at me for being this way, but ever since what she said I don't like her anymore. Like, the choice to pull the plug? On you? I guess it's just her job, but I don't know"

I stand up and crawl into the bed with him. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

"Gosh, you're so warm" I groan. "I miss your smell" I bury my face in his neck. "And your lips" I smile, running my finger along his pink mouth.

"And...your laugh"

I bite my lip and sigh. "Why are you doing this to me, baby?" I slip out of the bed and grab my purse, rushing out of the hospital.

"Ms. Lavender?"

I don't turn around and I immediately rush to Bucky's car I had driven here.

The second I got into the car, I cried.

~

Once I got home I search for a bottle.

"Vodka. It'll do" I throw the cap and sit on the couch.

I hated vodka. It burned and it was nasty. But, I wanted to forget for just a while.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I sob

The sadness quickly washed away and was replaced with anger. I threw the bottle on the floor.

The only thing I could do was scream. Scream as I kicked the table and swiped all its contents onto the floor.

It was a blind rage as I broke glasses and tore magazines. I couldn't understand why this was happening to him. Why this was happening to me. Why we couldn't just be happy.

~

The realization that I had just trashed the house came soon after. I was a mess. Maybe I was being selfish, but I just wanted him to tell me that everything would be okay.

~

"I'm sorry I left early yesterday. I...I don't know. You look so pale" I open the curtains and the beams shined on his skin.

"Better?" I smile, holding his hand. "You know, I offered to babysit Sams kids the other day and I think I have some mild baby fever. Kinda happy you weren't awake to hear that, you'd probably talk me into getting pregnant"

The nurse that I had personal beef with knocked on the door.

"I'm here to talk with you about James's condition"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about yesterday"

"No harm done, Ms, Lavender"

~

I crawled back into the bed with Bucky and laid on his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady.

Boom........Boom.......Boom.........Boom.......Boom.

"Gosh, I can't wait to kiss you"

(A/N: This chapter is extremely short because I literally couldn't force myself to write 300 more words 😀)