My Little Dove

Chapter 44

Doves POV:

I sat in the police station. Mascara running down my face, soaking wet, covered in blood, freezing, and heartbroken. My fiancée was dead. The love of my life was dead.

"Ms. Lavender, can you tell me what happened?"

I looked up at the officer, then back down.

"I'm not saying until I can't see Bucky. I want to say goodbye" I sniffle

"Ma'am, do you think your fiancée is dead?"

"...is this some sick joke? I'm covered in his fucking blood"

"He's not dead, miss. His heart is weak, but he's not dead. Most likely he was running on adrenaline and he passed out from the pain or the shock or blood loss"

"What...?"

"Your fiancée isn't dead"

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and I could not stop the breakdown. I start to sob uncontrollably.

"I-is he looking for me?" I hiccup

"He's in a coma"

~

I had a fresh pair of clothes on. His clothes actually.

"He's right on here" The nurse smiled

I nod and cautiously walk in. He was in a hospital gown and had all kinds of wires attached to him. His eyes were shut and he looked peaceful.

I sit next to him. "Hi, Bucky" I whisper, grabbing his tatted hand to hold. I bring his hand to my lips and gently kiss it. "I'm sorry I got you into this"

Set his warm hand on my freezing cheek and sobbed. What if he never woke up? What if I got accepted into the program and he was still sleeping? What if I never got to hear his smooth voice again? Him saying that he loved me?

"I need you to wake up before I send my letter in. I won't go, Honey. I won't go if you don't wake up."

I stood up and set my hand on his cheek. I kiss his forehead. "I love you more than I love anything else"

I sit and talk to him until they tell me that I had to go home.

~

When I made it home my friends were there.

"How is he?" Monica asked

I shake my head and break down crying. They welcome me into a nice tight hug.

"It's all my fault, I should have just told him. If he dies, it's all my fault"

"Don't you dare say that" Yelena mumbles

I take a long hot shower. I pick up his body wash and smell it.

"Oh, Bucky. Damn you for trying to play hero"

~

"No, guys I insist! Stay in here with me"

"You need your time alone" Monica smiled

I sigh and nod. "Thank you guys for coming over. Are you sure you guys will be okay in my room? One of you can go to the other guest room"

"We'll be fine" Yelena smiled

I hug them goodnight and lay in Bucky's bed.

I bury my face into his sheets. "Mmm, I miss you"

Tears stream down my face. "I'm so mad at you" I sniffle. "You should've just left. He wouldn't have killed me. But he would've killed you"

Eventually, I drift off to sleep.

~

My eyes open and I start to hyperventilate and viciously scratch my arms.

"Bucky!?" I scream. "I-I can't breathe! I can't fucking breathe"

I couldn't see. I couldn't hear.

I killed someone. I'm a murderer.

I pat the bed, looking for him. "I'm sorry" I wailed. "I'm sorry for what I said" I start to crawl around the bed looking for him.

"Bucky, stop it" I sob. "Why are you hiding?"

Yelena and Monica run into the room and hug me. "No! I need Bucky"

They were talking but I wasn't listening.

"I WANT MY FIANCÉE!" I scream to the top of my lungs.

"Dove, Bucky isn't here" Lena whispered, stroking my hair back.

"Where is he?"

They both give me an uncomfortable look.

"Dove, you know Bucky is in the hospital"

"What? Is he hurt? Is he looking for me? I-Is he dead? Oh my gosh, he's dead, isn't he? I need to go see him"

"Breathe, buttercup"

I look into their eyes and I remember it all.

"Oh my gosh" I sob

~

"Hey, Bucky. Yesterday I had a really hard time coping with everything so I guess I forgot what happened" I sigh

I brush back his hair and kiss his forehead. "I hate this. Watching you in this condition...I mean"

I wipe my tears and sit back down.

"Um, I was thinking about buying a lingerie...um and it was gonna be purple with flowers on it. But, the catch Is you have to wake up to see it. Is that fair? I think it is."

I hold his hand until I hear a knock.

"Ready to go over the will?" A tall man in round glasses smiles

"Go over the will? Why would we need that?"

Just then the nurse walks in. "Ms. Lavender, would you like to have a seat?"

"For what?"

"Um, Ms. Lavender if James wakes up-"

"If? No, yesterday you said he would"

"Things change, Ms.Lavender"

"So you're saying he's not gonna wake up?"

"No, what I'm saying is, if he wakes up he might not be...himself"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Umm, he could wake up brain dead"

"What? No, that's-that's...that's not right"

"James wrote down specifically that you get the choice-"

"I don't need a fucking choice! You...You said he was gonna wake up! You said he was gonna be okay!"

"I'm sorry"

I bury my face in my hands and cry.

"Mr. Barnes has another visitor. Because you're the one in charge you get the okay" She whispers

I try to pull myself together and go see who wanted to see him.

Sam.

"How ya holdin' up?"

Why did he have to ask that?

I shake my head and he hugs me. "I'm sure he'll be okay, love"

"I really don't know, Sam. I-I think I just ruined his life."

He rubs my arm and nods.

~

"Ms. Lavender, it's about that time"

"Okay, thank you" I nod

"Bucky...I'm so sorry" I sob. "I wish you wouldn't have come and saved me. I can't stomach the idea that I did this to do. I was trying to save your career and in the end, I may have ruined it anyways"

I kiss his temple and his cheek and his jaw. "I'll come back as soon as I can tomorrow...I love you, Buck. I always will."