Banned To Touch | jenlisa

Chapter 22

LISA

Friday. Somehow I've really managed to talk to Jennie as little as possible over the last four days of school. Not once did I point out in her class and only talk when she took my turn anyway. Sana always asked me what was going on in literature, since I'm usually so talkative. Nayeon and Rosé asked me the same thing. As an excuse, I said to everyone that the thing with Leo is killing me - which isn't a lie either.

After Leo was there on Sunday, he fell asleep exhausted on my bed. I told him that I was going to meet Nayeon at our local café, and he just nodded drowsily.

When I was in the café, Nayeon and Rosé were already sitting there. It didn't surprise me a bit that Chaeyoung was there, rather that Sana wasn't there. But Ms. Minatozaki apparently still had a bad hangover from the night before. I saw it coming in the café that I wouldn't hear about her latest bed stories these days.

I told both of them about the Saturday, that Leo and I had a nice date, about the party and the cool and not-so-cool people I met. I also reported in detail about the heated argument and the slaps plus the knee kick that I distributed that evening. They pretty much know about Leo's and my past, which is why I got serious about it right after. Rosé has threatened to neuter Leo if he ever behaves like that hellman again. I told them I left right after and I'm glad they didn't ask me where exactly. Because nobody should ever know about Jennie Kim and anyway... it's over.

What bothers me the most is that this thought always makes my chest sting and hurt. Jennie - I mean Ms. Kim, is my teacher and Leo is my boyfriend who by the way needs me more than ever. There's no future with Ms. Kim anyway. So why not just pull the plug out of the socket?

I dread the whole time telling her my decision. "Think very carefully about who can make you feel so good." Those were her words. She knows the answer herself. But sometimes you just can't put your happiness before others who are otherwise devastated. Or maybe fall into the abyss.

Suddenly I remember the words my therapist used to say to me back then. "There's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes. As long as you don't destroy everything around you and above all yourself with it."

A little flashback creeps into my head. Scenes that happened after I was no longer just given tranquilizers or painkillers to consume, but also put me on antidepressants. Midazolam, Paracetamol, Citalopram... So many beautiful colours pressed into tablets or put into capsules, from weak to strong, that made me forget a lot. Most of all myself. This was the signature to my own downfall.

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A/N: I'm forgetting a lot of things these days. It's short and I don't know what I wrote.