Banned To Touch | jenlisa

Chapter 42

LISA

Jennie has been staring at me since the moment she walked back into her apartment. We sat across from each other at her dining table, she made me tea and didn't rush me. On the contrary, she distracted me from the topic and even if she didn't touch me once - which totally surprises me - I still feel her tension all the time. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes and she's just pretending to make me feel better. She does it for me - well, at least I think so. Or she doesn't care how I'm doing.

This gesture still touches me so abruptly that I have to look away in embarrassment and guilt. How can a woman be as perfect as her? And then hang out with someone like me? It's not that I don't love myself - no. I just got confident enough to know what my pros and cons are. And I definitely have more negative qualities than this dream of a woman. As I think about it, I realize that I know next to nothing about her. I don't even know how old she is.

"Jennie?" I ask timidly.

"Hm?" Her left eyebrow rises and this questioning look makes her look even more seductive.

"How old are you actually?"

She smiles and her eyes glitter a little. Finally!

"I turned 28 this year."

So ten years age difference... not so bad.

My eyes widen in surprise, even though it's actually a very plausible answer. It really makes sense. We both smile at each other for a moment. Her green eyes shimmer, and not for the first time in the last few minutes, I see that she wants to know what's going on.

"Well, I want to ask you something too." Damn it! "What happened earlier? I mean you wanted me pretty obviously and then? What the hell happened, Lisa?"

I close my eyes and, out of habit, I claw my nails into the palm of my hand. In front of me I see ice-cold, blue eyes that look at me with contempt.

"You can be happy that I'm wasting my time with you, little whore!"

I quickly shake that memory away from me. That is past. Now I'm in the present.

"I... isn't that irrelevant?"

I look up and meet her angry stare. A shudder comes over me. From one moment to the next, the mood has changed significantly.

"If it isn't irrelevant? Are you fucking serious?" She almost yells.

I wince. Why is she suddenly mad now? Why did she have to bring up this topic at all costs?

"What is your problem? Why are you freaking out so suddenly?"

"You are asking why am I freaking out, Lisa?" She laughs scornfully and looks at me with such fury. Why the hell do I have to think that's so incredibly hot when she's freaking out? Or it's because I'm craving satisfaction despite the panic attack.

Jennie stands up, stretches out in front of me and looks down at me.

"You show up here because you're having troubles with your dream-boy, make me lose control of myself here in my own apartment and then... then you have a fucking panic attack! For the second time you've had a panic attack because of me and there's nothing I can do about it if you don't finally open up. This whole situation is the last straw!"

Her words hit me so hard and I don't know what to say. As she puts it, it sounds like the ultimate thing isn't the situation, it's me. And maybe it's because it's really true that I'm the last one, that I'm a horrible person for cheating on Leo, for making Jennie feel like I'm using her. I can't give anyone what they want from me, but damn... the way she looks down at me and the way she yells at me makes me rage too.

I get up too, try to look at her just as angry as she does at me and counter: "If I'm the problem, then you shouldn't have let me in! I should never have appeared here either, I know that now. Don't snap at me for having secrets when you obviously have some too!"

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A/N: Please, give 'I Love Her' a try, thank you :)