Banned To Touch | jenlisa

Chapter 55 (Bonus)

LISA

Hey, my little angel.

"Hello..."

I've been watching you for a long time now. It's not like I'm stalking you. No. Rather that I can't take my eyes off you.

You make me happy even if I never really show it to you.

"Yes, you never show it."

Hemingway once said, "Happiness is just good health and a bad memory," and dammit, he was right. Because every time I think of you now, it hurts me for letting you go and it hurts even more for hurting you.

I tried to keep myself away from you, tried to protect you with it. However, I could only give in to my selfish side and wanted you all to myself. And I still want that now, little one.

"You're way too selfish, Jennie." I silently cry as I grip onto the letter hard.

You are like your favourite flower said: beautiful and looking innocent just like the white jasmine flower. And your beguiling scent, which makes my blood boil with desire, makes me forget what is between us. Still, even though you're so beautiful, you're poisonous at the same time.

You are MY poison.

We were doomed from the start not to have a happy ending.

"Why? Don't we deserve a happy end? Happiness might be only good health and bad memory, but I badly want this to end this way. More than anything. Be in your arms and never let you go." I talk to myself. I wish you could hear me now, Jennie. I miss you. I close my eyes to take a few deep breathes before I wipe my tears away. I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry. I promise, my love.

One day you said to me you thought I only want you for the forbidden kick. You thought I couldn't love you. My angel, just because I'm silent doesn't mean you can agree with it.

Why do you think so badly of yourself? I want to hold you in my arms, this feeling after not just sexual closeness ... I really missed this feeling. Thank you for being there for me.

"Thank you for being there too. I mean you were once there for me. Okay, fine. I'll keep my sarcasm to myself." I laugh through sobs and sniffles.

I'm sorry I never told you that much about myself. I don't know, I've never been particularly talkative about myself.

"You're a freaking jerk for not telling anything!"

I'm sorry you have to be my secret. I would love to show everyone in the world that you're mine. Well, you were mine once.

"You could show off to everyone now. Nothing could stop us. I was and I'm still yours, Jennie Kim."

I'm sorry I made your life hell. You make me lose my control.

"I could only say the same to you."

And I'm sorry I'll never give you this little letter. I couldn't bear not to get an answer back.

"Well, I found it in your drawer. I should write you an answer. I can't believe that you act like a dumb coward. I freaking told you that I love you! Why would I not write an answer? Okay, this sounds a bit pathetic, maybe the right word would be childish, whatever, you're just frustrating me!"

Even if you will probably never be completely mine, I will always remain yours.

"I'm completely yours. Glad that you'll remain as mine for the rest of our lives."

I love you, my little angel.

Jennie.

"I hate you... I freaking hate you!" I let my tears fall as I finish reading her hand written note.