I'll Love You For A Lifetime [Heartstopper, Tara x Darcy]

Year 7: The knowing

Darcy's pov

I had no idea if Tara knew I was a lesbian or not. I mean, I kind of assumed she knew since the news had gone pretty viral last year, me being the only open lesbian girl in the year, but I was terrified of bringing it up. What if Tara turned out to be  homophobic?

I could not bear to think of losing her. She was the bestest friend I had in years. She felt more like myself than anybody else I had ever met before. In front of her I could let go of the loud noisy front I kept to cope with the emptiness I felt inside me. With her, I felt less empty, if that makes any sense.

However, I never got the chance to talk to her myself. One day, during the end of the seventh year, a girl I swear to god I had never seen before walked over to us as we were chatting by the lockers.

"Are you a lesbian too Tara Jones?" she asked shamelessly and my first impulse was to punch her in the face but I kept quiet, carefully observing how the conversation rolled out.

"Huh?" she asked, confused and I immediately knew she had no idea of me being outed last year.

"Darcy is a lesbian, we all know that. We thought maybe you two were in love or something."

"Oh," Tara looked at me with the most nonplussed expression, as if trying to ask if this was some weird joke or a rumour or what? I sensed it was my time to intervene.

"Why are you so curious? Are you a lesbian too?" I asked non-chalantly. "If you are interested, I am single. Tara Jones and I are just friends." I had to hold back a very sarcastic wink.

The girl turned very red. "I am not a lesbian."

"Thought so," I nodded seriously as she scurried away.

Tara turned towards me, "What was that about?"

I shrugged and tried to walk away but she gripped my wrist.

"Explain. You did not deny that you are a- a - you know," Tara looked abash as she stared at her shoes.

"That would be a lie. I am not a liar."

"So you are- uhm-"

"A lesbian." I said and slipped my hand out of Tara's grip, furious. Who the fuck invented homophobia? I knew what people like Tara were like, I had met quite a handful in my short time being outed. Tara was probably never going to talk to me ever again.

***

A whole twenty four hour silence from Tara's side. I did not even see her in form the next day, but I knew that she had come to school. She skipped classes just to avoid me.

I knew there was no point in being angry, it wasn't going to change anything, but if I wasn't angry, I would feel terribly sad and would probably end up crying, so I stayed angry.

I felt so...betrayed. After months and months of talking and connecting, we were going to fall apart, just like that? All these thoughts were whirring in my mind while I was sitting at the lunch table, all alone, when suddenly Tara popped out of nowhere.

"Hey," she said, smiling at me, taking me by surprise.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, annoyed. If she was going to give me a lecture on how homosexuality was a bloody sin and I should chose to follow the righteous path-

"You looked lonely," she said, "No one deserves to be lonely."

I scoffed and looked away; these were the same words I had said to her months ago when I had found her sitting all by herself in the cafeteria.

"Right, thanks for showing pity on a-" I stopped myself from using a slur. Tara probably guessed what I was going to say because suddenly, her face turned sombre.

"Look Darcy, I - I -"

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I was not judging you back there in the locker room," she said quickly, "I was just- it took me by surprise. I do not care that you are a - a," she swallowed and reduced her voice to a low whisper, "lesbian, but I - uhm - I don't know any other person who I out and my dad is, like a proper Christian, through and through so I just- I'm sorry."

I looked down at my food, all appetite lost and chuckled, "Look at you. You can't even say it out loud. How are you going to hang around with me?"

Tara looked down at her lap, "I am trying my best Darcy. You are my best friend. I don't want to lose you just because you like girls."

A rush of relief and fury flooded through me- relief at what she had said and fury at how she said it. It was not her fault though. Kids just get raised up thinking this way.

I took a deep breath, "Yeah, me neither."

Tara looked up at me and grinned, "Cool."

"Cool."

And in that moment, we made a silent sort of agreement that we were never talking about this topic ever again.