I'll Love You For A Lifetime [Heartstopper, Tara x Darcy]

Growing up: part 2

Tara's pov

I moved out of town to attend University, and if I'm being honest, in the beginning I was glad that I got a break from Darcy's daily tantrums. I made some new friends and the new atmosphere felt nice. But soon enough, I started feeling an emptiness swell inside me.

Okay so, I have a theory of happiness. Our brains are wired in such a way that they will desparately find ways to keep us happy, even when we do the opposite, especially then actually. The time I spent away from Darcy, my brain hungered for more. More attention from classmates. More praise from professors. More parties. More blackouts. More. More. More. The more I did, the more I felt like I was happy. Satisfied.

But I wasn't.

Sometimes time moved fast, and sometimes it moved slow, but whenever it paused, I felt myself missing my home. My Darcy.

On my journey back home, all I thought about was what Darcy would look like now...after four long years. Would Darcy think I have changed? Had I changed? If I had, I hoped it was a good thing.

George opened the door when I reached home, and at first, it made me happy as I saw George finally looking like himself. This was the first time I had seen him stand with his shoulders pushed back confidently, and when his eyes met mine, I knew he was no longer a timid child. He had grown up, and I saw Darcy's faint shadow on his face. My heart twisted painfully.

"How is the rest of your family?" I asked. He pressed his lips together.

That night, George and my dad updated me on everything that had happened while I had disappeared. With every word that my dad spoke, I felt my blood seeth.

I shouted at him for the first time in my life. I stomped up to my room and locked the door for the first time. I do not make any excuse for my behaviour. I had never been this furious before.

I managed to find Darcy's phone number and called her.

"Hello?" she said, "who's this?" Her words were slurred and sleepy. They were right. She had been getting high.

"Ugh, cockblocker," I heard another girl's voice, it was close to the mic. At that point, I was so angry, tears started flowing.

"You don't have my number saved?" I said.

"What is wrong with you, woman?" Darcy's voice slurred again, "How the fuck am I supposed to know who the fuck you are?"

The other girl's voice spoke again. "Is it some crazy bitch again? Cut the phone, playgirl, it's my turn now." A kiss.

"You don't even recognise my voice?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, the last bit of hope leaving me.

There was a silence.

Then some shuffling.

"Tara?"

Darcy's pov

Man.

I looked at Tara walking up to me. We were back to the beginning, back to the garden that she and that dude with one blue and one green eye had made, back to the first date, back to highschool. It felt like we had had a fight and we were meeting to make up for it. Was there anything left to make up for now?

Tara's fingers had many rings, but I could see the one which I had too. It was still on her ring finger. It did not fit any of her other fingers. I had to stop myself from raising my hand and pulling out the ring hanging around my neck. That would be lame. Better listen to what she is here for first.

As she walked closer, I realized I had no idea how to start talking. How should I greet her? A 'Hi', a handshake, a hug maybe?

In the end, neither of us did anything and we simply stood there looking at each other.

"You have changed," I heard myself saying. She had. She had a lot of jewelry on her now, and well, she was wearing a striped shirt and a pair of trousers. Highschool Tara loved wearing dresses. I wonder what had changed.

"So have you," she said and I looked at myself through her eyes. Her sight went from my black dyed hair, down to my black tank top and down to my black pants and black shoes. Then her sight went up to my neck again. She was looking for it. She was hoping-

"Are you...are you..." she stammered very unlike herself.

"With someone?" I completed for her.

"I was gonna ask if you're okay," she said in a small voice.

"You don't look like you were gonna ask that," I said, my eyes deciphering every move. I could still read her like the back of my hand, the realisation crashed on me like a wave of relief.

"Can I-" without completing her sentence she raised her arms and wrapped them around me. It took me a moment to register the hug, but as soon as I did, I reciprocated it.

"We can't be what we were," I said, out of the blue. Tara was silent for a moment and then she said, "You smell of cigarettes."

"You like that?" I asked cheekily, but Tara shook her head. "It's gonna kill you."

"What is life worth living for anyway?"

"I am living it for the hope of you," she said, her voice was tight. She was holding back tears.

"The idea of me," I corrected her, "I'm not who I was. I'm broken. A good girl like you can never find life in me."

"Can I- can we at least try," she said.

And the truth was, I had been testing her. I had been trying to show her that I was gonna be difficult to deal with, but I wanted her back very very badly too. I knew many women, but only knew how to love her.

I was silent and Tara raised a trembling hand to my neck, and I tilted my head back letting her pull out the chain resting under my black top. She let the thin silver ring rest on her hand, clinked her own ring against mine, and then let go.

"Yes or no?"

I held her hand and raised it to my neck again, this time letting her feel my collarbone. She did it with grace. She had not forgotten my body yet.

"I am living with Vanora," I said.

"I know," she said, "Do you want the apartment?"

I shook my head.

"She will put up a fight," I said, "She needs my money more than she needs me."

"I will kick that bitch's ass don't worry about it," Tara said, making me crack a smile. "We will make a home, together," she said, her voice cracking finally. "It will get better."

"I already feel better," I smiled and she cupped her hand around my cheek. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and pulled it to my lips, kissing her open palm.

When I looked at her again, she looked like she hadn't had a good sleep in a long time. I guess I looked the same.