I'll Love You For A Lifetime [Heartstopper, Tara x Darcy]

Year 11: Emotions

Darcy's pov

"We've got still 15 minutes to practice talking about friends and family. Everyone get into pairs."

Everyone started shuffling seats and I discreetly squeezed Tara's hand underneath the desk.

"We are always a pair, aren't we?" I whispered.

"I would change but you won't let me," she whispered back.

"Good girl. That's absolutely correct," I said, patting her thigh.

"Can we be a group of three?"

I looked at the source of the voice. It was Elle.

"Oh, my God, yes, please," Tara said, visibly looking relieved, "Darcy's pronunciation is horrendous."

I gasped and attempted to get my reputation correct by saying something but Tara later told me that it meant "I am very good French."

I mean, I wasn't exactly wrong.

Anyway, we started the assignment. Elle asked the questions first, "Okay. Darcy..." Then she said something that I roughly understood as "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Easy. I had practised this sufficient times, "Yes, I have a girlfriend."

Elle, being Elle said matter of factly, "I think saying "Une" makes it feminine,
so you'd be saying you have a girlfriend."

I glanced at Tara, "Uh, whoops." Tara chuckled while Elle stared at us, confused.

"Okay, Tara's turn," she said, clearing her throat. "Tara, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I don't have a boyfriend," she said. My loyal girl.

I raised my eyebrows at her playfully. "What?" she said, "It's true."

"I know," I chuckled.

"Okay, let's move away from the boyfriend question," she said, and I was well aware of her blushing as I squeezed her thigh underneath the table.

She cleared her throat, "Okay, uh, Elle...Do you have brothers or sisters?"

***
"Why do you always have to be like this?" Tara said, as I threw my bag on her bed.

"Like what?" I said frowning. Tara shook her head then walked up to me. She untied my tie and tugged at my collar.

"You are getting taller than me," she murmured, burying her face in my neck.

"Okay," I giggled, "You're tickling me."

"Am I now?" she said, wiggling her fingers around my belly.

"I'm not ticklish around my belly, remember?" I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

"I thought maybe it has changed," she said, tickling me all over now.

"Aah! Stop," I said, and we both lost balance and fell back on the bed.

Tara was laughing so hard she had tears running down her cheeks. I stared at her, smiling, my hands clumsily running up and down her arms.

"What were you saying by the way?" I asked, "Why do I always have to be like what?"

Tara's demeanor suddenly changed. "Nothing," she said.

"It is something," I said, gauging her expressions, "Say it."

"I don't know," she said, "I don't want to ruin the mood."

"If not today, then it will happen some other day, won't it?" I said, a heaviness wearing down my chest, "Let's get it over with."

"Shut up," she said, punching me, "You sound like we are going to break up."

"Then what is it?" I said, sitting up straight.

"I don't know," she said, playing with her blanket, "You just always act so extra. As if you just want people to know that we are together."

I frowned at her, trying to process what she had just said. I shook my head, "I'm just being me, Tara."

"I know," she said, "but you know when we were with Elle, you were acting so painfully obvious."

"Tara, I was just being me," I said again, "I just want to be the way I feel when I am around you." I took a deep breath, "I want to be myself, even if you are too scared to be yourself."

"I am not scared..." she started but I cut her.

"You are not scared?" I scoffed, "Then what is it? Is this not real for you, is that it?"

"No! I never said that," she said, "why are you twisting things?"

"I am twisting things?" I said. I was on my feet now. "Your father accepts you. Everyone likes you and you are trying to save your reputation by trying to keep us a secret, and I am the one who is twisting things?"

Tara massaged her temples, "This is why I was not saying anything."

I pulled off the tie hanging loosely around my neck and threw it on Tara's bed, I could feel my pulse throbbing in my neck, "I can't deal with this bullshit. You have no fucking right to play the victim."

"Fine," she said, raising her chin defiantly, "Leave then."

"You want me to leave?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Let's see how long you last without me by your side."

I realized I had balled my fists and quickly loosened my palms, "Is that what you think about me?" I did not like how I was feeling. I did not like that I was angry. I did not want to fight with her. "You think I am a poor little girl obsessed with you, is it?"

"You tell me," she said, standing up too.

I closed my eyes, my heart racing at a maddening speed. My palms were tingling. I knew what I wanted to do, but I knew how wrong it was. I wanted her to feel the same pain I was feeling. I wanted very badly to show her what my anger felt like.

Suddenly, it dawned on me where these emotions were coming from...years and years of tasting my dad's anger.

I stepped back.

I grabbed my bag and opened the door and I ran. I ran all the way back to the place, where these emotions belonged. Home.