HIP #2: Summer Of Love

Chapter 50

I still can't believe that Peter's already dead. It's just now that I realized repentance is always late, as they say. I didn't attend his funeral last week. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I knew that I'm going to end up crying there. If Peter's alive, I know he would understand. I didn't want to see him lying in a coffin with his bruised face and scarred body. I leaned my back against the wall in our kitchen with a cup of milk wrapped around my hands. Ever since he died, I began drinking milk three times a day. It started to become my habit. I used to love milk before but not this way that I drink it over and over and can't get enough. I felt my dad's heavy and big palm on my back.

I looked up at him with my eyes carrying all the tears I couldn't cry in the past few days. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Because every time that a teardrop falls from my eyes, I remember I promised him, that I won't cry when he dies. I don't want to break it. "Time could help heal the pain." Dad's deep voice creaked in. I took a deep sigh. I want to be rude to him and roll my eyes, but I don't think I can afford to do it. He's my father. "Why didn't you tell me?" I politely asked. I know he already knows what I'm talking about.

"I'm sorry, I planned to, but I thought you weren't ready yet." Maybe he was right. I wasn't even ready when Peter's stepdad told me about the truth, but he still did. I understand why dad tried to hide the truth from me. If I were in his place, I would also do the same. "It's okay, dad, don't feel sorry. I know how it feels. I once hid something, too." I was pointing out the feelings I hid for Peter.

"Is it true that Peter is your son?" He nodded.

"Does mom know?"

"Yeah," he nodded again.

"Now I know why you used to be nice to him when we were kids and we play here," I added. "At least you and mom don't have to fight anymore."

"We did before." I chuckled.

"By the way, do you have any idea who my biological parents are?"

"No, because when we saw you down the highway, you were wrapped with some sort of baby clothes and a bonnet. You looked like a newborn that time." It breaks my heart to know that I'm officially an orphan. But at least I never felt the loss of a family. Because they never failed to make me feel welcome all the time. I nodded and faked a smile to show him that I expected what he said.

I sighed heavily and placed the empty glass down on the table. "I'll go to my room, probably get some sleep tonight." He nodded and I marched to my room. In the past few nights, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of Peter. I kept thinking about why his dad killed him. I already know that it's because he's not his real son. But what keeps on bothering me is why he killed him.

Because when he loses in games, he hits him. Maybe Peter did something that he hated which provoked him. I shut the door and crashed on my bed leading my head on the pillow and my body wrapped by my comforters. I've always fooled myself that Peter is still alive. But I don't know how I would cope with it. School is about to start next Monday, I need to prepare for it.

Yet, I'm here still longing for his love and don't even have a single notebook to use. Mom invited me to go shopping for supplies last night but I refused to take her offer. I wasn't in the mood to. I also don't feel like going to school knowing that Peter won't be outside our gate waiting for us after classes. Maybe I'll switch to homeschooling. Chance has been flooding me with messages but I don't want to answer them because I don't want to hurt him when he finds out that I kissed Peter.

I wiped the teardrop from my eye after remembering what I told him before. I won't cry when he dies, I need to stick to that promise! I took a deep breath and turned my phone on. No matter how many times I scroll on Instagram, watch TikTok videos, and chat with people on Facebook, my fingers lead me back to my message board.

I scrolled down until I found Peter's number with an unread message. My eyes widened to my surprise. I didn't know I have an unread message from him. I looked at the history, it was sent eight days ago, on the day we left Mancheston. I realized it wasn't a message but a voice mail.

I taped the play button and just by hearing his cold-deep voice, it made me break my promise.

"Hey, Charlie. This is the guy who loves you and secretly loved you, Peter. I sent you this voicemail because I know what my dad would do to me when I get home. I know he would kill me because I quit our school's basketball team. You were right, I should stop doing things I don't like and so I did. I'm not happy in playing that crap especially because I was just forced to so I think it's time to let it go. Perhaps my dad would hit me with his baseball bat until I die. I already prepared for it, and I'm ready to die. You promised me you won't cry and that's the last thing I need to know, it prepared me."

Hearing him say that he's ready to die made me break my promise again. I paused the voicemail to wipe my tears. I sighed to calm myself down. Then I resumed playing it.

"I love you so much more than you could ever think. The first time I saw you in second grade, I was mesmerized by what you looked like. You were wearing our school's uniform and your black hair was bouncing through your back. It was hilarious because I tried to hide my feelings until you met Chance. It broke my heart but I kept my tears to myself. Until this summer came along. I didn't expect that I would fall for you harder. I'll die in love with you, I'll die proudly of your second-runner-up finish in the first pageant you joined, I'll die knowing that you won't cry about my death."

I couldn't help it anymore. I blocked my face with a pillow and kept the voicemail playing.

"You know what, I know that you would be very successful in the future. I'm sure that you could be the next Miss Universe you always wanted to be, I'm also pretty sure you can be a class valedictorian, and you could reach your biggest dream which is to meet Taylor Swift. Like me. Achieve your dreams and soar high! Achieve them for me. Meet Taylor for me like I never did. Charlie, I'm sorry for leaving you this early. I never wanted to but I can't escape from my dad anymore. Though there's a way, I need to obey him because he is my dad like what I always told you."

I removed the pillow from my face because I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Again, I love you and I never did not. When you become famous, never forget me. When you hear All Too Well 10-Minute Version, I hope you think of me and how I screamed the bridge part of it in the middle of the night. When you ride a plane, say you'll remember how I crashed that one you created as a surprise for me in Mancheston. Speaking of Mancheston, every summer, rent my room. I would be there, forever and always. This is me praying that you don't have to lose me and I don't have to lose you. But I can't do anything about this anymore. Good things come and we have to cherish them. On the other hand, bad times run and we have to face them because this is how the roller coaster of life goes. This is me, Peter Rivera. I love you so much, Charlie Brahms. Always be happy and love Chance like how you loved me, he deserves it."

It proved that he's dead. He's gone...

My sunlight is gone.

But I guess he's right when he said that good things come and we have to cherish them. While bad things run to us and we have to face them. I cherished a lot of good things with him, now it's time to face a horrible time.