♕ VIII - VULNERABILITY

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VIII: VULNERABILITY

A dirty look shot my way as I walked into Jungkook's office was to be expected. What wasn't expected was the look I actually received...disappointment? That was worse, so much worse. I'd give anything to have him scream and yell at me instead of making that face. It only drove me to spiral further into the pit of my regret.

"I understand, if you don't want to speak to me, but please, just listen."

I took a seat on the couch and psyched myself up to say what I needed to. To my surprise, Jungkook stood from his desk and took a seat next to me. He didn't utter a word, but with his eyes fixated on me, I knew that was his was of agreeing to hear me out. Having him so close to me, so attentive, I was struggling to maintain my calm. My heart was racing as I fidgeted with the fabric of the cushion beneath me.

"I've never had to deal with judgement from mortals," I started. "Quite the opposite. They've always been wonderful to me and those around me, and in return, I've protected them. I honestly don't know how I would treat them if they despised me based on their preconceived ideas of who or what I was supposed to be."

"It can be...difficult." His voice was low and gentle.

"I'm sorry for reacting so intensely to your comments without considering your history, Jungkook." I shifted my gaze to my hands in my lap and hoped for a positive response.

"Thank you, Y/N." A small smile formed on his lips. "I've tried to protect them too, in my own way. The reason I opened Solanaceae was to give the humans a place to explore their vices where they would be safe."

I'd never even thought about his motives for creating Solanaceae. I'd just assumed it to be a source of income- or a vice of his own. The idea that it was intended to be a haven for humans on the East End would've never crossed my mind. Thinking about it made my heart hurt more. He was protecting them and yet they still turned away from him like he was a monster. They didn't care about his true nature, only what they believed him to be. The same way I'd treated him...

"I've failed to manage even that," he mumbled.

"No!" I quickly shook my head and looked up at him. "What's been happening at Solanaceae isn't your fault."

"You're so infuriating, Y/N," he let out a breathy laugh as he watched my eyes widen in confusion. "You piss me off more than anyone, but you somehow make me feel better too...and you make me say way too much."

"Let's start over?" I held up my pinky finger and bit my lip to hold back the cheesy grin that was threatening to emerge. His words had made my stomach swim.

He wrapped his finger around mine and winked. "Deal."

We sat there with our fingers locked for what was likely only a few moments yet felt like an eternity. In that time staring at him I noticed so much more about him. The tiny freckle under his lip, the right side of his face, his neck. The scar on his left cheek. His lips and his cute bunny smile that completely contradicted his normal image. Gods, what the fuck was I doing right now?

"Uhm, why don't we go see Taehyung for our next lesson?" I spoke up, forcing myself out of my trance.

"Sure, we should focus..." his words trailed off slowly into a whisper as he made no effort to leave the couch.

"Yes, we should..."

Move first. Please move first, because I can't.

Opposite to what I was internally begging for, Jungkook remained in place. He brought a hand to my face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The feeling of his fingers brushing against my skin sent a shiver down my spine. Such a delicate touch, but it was tormenting. I knew I needed to snap out of it, but I was completely ensnared.

Finally, he released me from his trap and rose from the couch. Stepping towards the door, he spoke. "Let's go."

Taehyung's charismatic energy was a welcome escape from the tension floating between Jungkook and I. He was pacing the room back and forth, waving his arms wildly as he explained how to manifest the full potential of our godly ability. I was trying to pay attention at least halfway. My mind was a million miles away, my eyes glossed over, and my head bobbing monotonously as I feigned vague interest in the lesson.

"It's important to have a goal in mind," Taehyung rambled on. "But you can't let that goal cloud your judgement. You need to know how to contain your power and when to hold back. You must remain in control. Right, Y/N?"

"Right."

"Strong emotions can be helpful in reaching the full potential of your magical ability," he continued. "However, they can also be a hinderance."

"So, have a goal, but not too much. Utilize your emotions, but not too much," Jungkook complained sarcastically. "Is that right?"

"Exactly!" Taehyung cheered and smacked Jungkook on the back. "You're getting it."

"Are we done?" I murmured, shifting in my spot.

"Nope!" He stood in front of Jungkook and I and clapped his hands together. "I want you to try to use your abilities on one another. It can be something simple."

Jungkook and I exchanged a quick look. Neither of us appeared enthusiastic about Taehyung's little assignment. I got the feeling if I tried to get out of it, Taehyung would press us further, making things even more awkward. Better to get this over and done with so I could run back home and pretend today never happened. Or, more likely, stare up at the ceiling all night dwelling on it.

"Sit across from each other! Y/N, you're up first."

I followed Taehyung's command and took a seat on the floor in front of Jungkook. What exactly was I supposed to do? My abilities were mostly passive, meant to garner information. I could influence others' emotions to a certain extent. Is that what he wanted me to do? It felt wrong to mess with someone's mind like that without permission. It was something that required a lot of trust.

"Er, is it okay?" I clarified before proceeding.

"Yes, go ahead," Jungkook replied without hesitation.

I let out a deep breath and took his hand in mine as I closed my eyes. Every time I did this it was like walking through a person's consciousness. Each one was different. Jungkook's was dark, cold. It felt as though I were walking through an endless maze, opening doors that only led to more and more doors. I tightened my hold on his hand and focused my energy. Positive energy. I continued to concentrate until it grew a little brighter, warmer...until he ripped his hand away.

My eyes shot open on reflex. "I'm sorry, was that too much?"

His breaths were raggedy, his lips slightly parted, exposing gritted teeth. "No, I'm sorry. It was just strange." He attempted to speak confidently but it was clear the experience had shaken him up.

"I think you did a good job gauging how much energy to use, Y/N," Taehyung commented. "I just don't think Jungkook is used to anyone using their ability on him. Not even Jin has done such a thing."

"So why the hell did you have me do it?!" 

"It's part of the process! Besides, now it's your turn to be the victim."

I gulped and chewed at the side of my cheek. I didn't have a clue about Jungkook's abilities, I only knew what Jin had told me about them previously- that he destroyed magic. That and the feeling of his aura. Any way you looked at it, I couldn't see how I would be getting out of this unscathed. Surely, Taehyung wouldn't have Jungkook do something that would hurt me? Surely, Jungkook would hold back? Right?

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Jungkook frowned. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I couldn't say no after he'd let me use my own magic on him. "I'm sure."

With consent granted, he intertwined our fingers and shut his eyes. My vision instantly flooded with inky blackness. I was tired, so tired. I held my other hand out in front of me, barely visible, and watched is it dematerialized before my eyes. Was I disappearing? My mind was fuzzy. The longer he channeled his energy into me the more I felt my consciousness slip away. The last thing I felt was my head smacking against the cold tile beneath me.

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