𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢 | 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔩𝔢𝔧𝔲𝔦𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔩

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫

It felt like I got up too fast. I was blinking, but my vision was sparkly and my head was throbbing. I couldn't even tell if it had worked because I could barely see. Once my vision began to focus, I realized it had worked. It was a strange, surreal feeling to be back home. I looked around, seeing the familiar curvature of the fireplace and stairway. The light bleeding through the windows strained my eyes.

"Lydia?" I immediately recognized it as Dad's voice. I looked behind myself, half-terrified. There he was. Dad, his eyes puffy and red. I wondered how long he had been waiting. Instinctively, I ran into his arms.
"Lydia, what is wrong with you?" he asked plainly.
"I'm sorry." That was the only response that occurred to me. I didn't know what was wrong with me either.

The other three of my family were behind him, all looking eager and heartsick. Delia looked like she was about to say something but fought back the words.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Lydia," Delia's brow was wrinkled with concern. "Come sit down. You look sick."
"I don't want to," I stated numbly. The world felt as if it was going to melt.
She took my arm gently, but I shrunk away like a wounded animal.
"Don't touch me." I didn't sound like myself. I was breathing hard, looking around the room like I didn't know these people. I could feel a sob growing in my chest. I slowly walked over to the couch, then collapsed, every repressed emotion pouring out of me. I couldn't control it.

"Are you hurt?" Dad sat down next to me, attempting to turn my face towards him with a careful hand on my chin. I turned away, refusing to look at him.
"Go away for a few minutes." I managed to get some words out.
"No, Lydia," Dad protested. "You have a lot of explaining to do."
"This is exactly why I didn't wanna be here! Just leave me alone!"
"Why can't you ever be happy?" Dad snapped. "You're miserable when you're alone, you're miserable when we're with you, you were miserable in New York, you're miserable in Connecticut. Why can't you just be normal? We've tried so hard, Lydia."
I stared at my father in shock. "How could you-"
"Listen to me. You're my daughter, Lydia, and I love you more than anything else in the world."
"No you don't," I snarled.
"Yes I do. Do you have any idea what's it's like, Lydia, as a parent, to go to sleep wondering if you're gonna wake up and find your child dead because you can't make her happy?" his voice broke. "I'm doing this because I love you. Because you're my daughter, and you're me, and you're your mother." He looked at me meticulously, studying my features. "You definitely are your mother."
"And she's gone, Dad!" I screamed, startling myself.
"Lydia, stop."
"No, I'm not gonna stop!" I cried. "I went back to Betelgeuse because he's the only person who can see me. Nobody in this house can see me."
"Are you insane?" Dad asked seriously.
"Yes, Dad!" I shouted. "Yes, I am insane, we've been over this!"
Dad's eyes were dark. "Don't you raise your voice at me."
I felt like I was going to explode. I tried to think of something to say, of the cruelest possible thing that could come out of my mouth, but I could only weep. I wished wildly for Betelgeuse.
"I never should have come back," I finally said, glaring at Dad with dagger eyes. I immediately regretted it. He looked pained.
"Go to your room, Lydia." His voice was soft and thick.
I obeyed and retreated to my room. I knew I was wrong.

~☾~

I had spent roughly an hour sulking in my room, but my bed felt incredibly comfortable after that experience with Betelgeuse's 'bed'. I realized I was tired. Very tired. I had every drop of energy sucked out of me, emotionally and physically. I pulled my blanket over my head, and for the first time in a week, I didn't feel completely out of control. My brief clarity was interrupted when I heard footsteps approaching the door.

"Lydia?" Delia called. "It's me and Dad. Can we come in?"
I sighed with resignation and stood up to unlock the door. I looked at them openly, knowing I probably looked like a car wreck.

"Lydia, come sit down." Dad motioned to my bed.

I sat quietly between him and Delia as I picked at my fingernails nervously.
"We're not angry," Delia tried to comfort me. "We were very scared, Lydia."
"Did they tell you?" I asked wearily.
"What?"
"Adam and Barbara. Did they tell you what happened?"
"Yes," Delia replied. "Yes. They had to."
I stared at the floor in shame. "I'm sorry."

The three of us sat there in uncomfortable silence. Startled, I whipped around my shoulder when I heard the mattress shift, revealing Adam and Barbara had joined us. I could already feel the loneliness setting back in. I was in a room surrounded by people who loved me, but the dead weight of isolation was a tight, thorny burden in my chest. I hated myself for feeling it, but I couldn't stop it. He made me crazy. Betelgeuse made me do crazy things.

"Why?" Dad broke the tension.
"I don't know," I whimpered helplessly. "I don't know."