One Bad Hair Day [COMPLETE]

Man of the House

"But she insists on keeping this Potter-Boy pest..." he whispered to her on the phone

"She doesn't have a say on anything, you are the MAN of the house!" She barked so loudly that Vernon had to keep the telephone handset away from his ear to avoid a substantial rupture to his delicate eardrum (something he could not allow, especially on the day he lost his precise mustache...)

"Greeting to your sister..." Petunia spat up casually as she crossed the aisle between the stairs and the kitchen in slack steps.

"Tell her you're not willing to raise the child of the lousy Potter family!" His sister continued to damage his hearing

"Marge also wishes you the best..." Vernon tried to calm the spirits and blurted out at his wife who faded into the kitchen.

"Call Saint Oliver's Orphanage NOW and demand that they accept it!" she commanded Vernon

"But-" Vernon still tried to insert a word

"Dad would be ashamed of you! I'm your big sister and you will listen to ME!" She slammed the phone on his poor ear.

Vernon leaned against the wall and gasped heavily, then he opened the thick yellow pages book and located the orphanage number.

"Is ev-erything ok?" asked Petunia, which suddenly creeped out of nowhere

"E-everything is just fine..." he excused in the most cheerful and unsuspecting voice he managed to produce "Why are you asking?"

"Because you have no eyebrows..." she said amazed while carefully staring and inspecting his forehead

Vernon was never considered a particularly athletic man (not even closer...), but perhaps out of the annoyance he leaped briskly over Petunia and sprinted with amok to the nearest mirror, releasing a beastly whimper of pain "Petuniaa!"

"You will wake up the kids!" she shushed him

"I dOn'T cArE iF tHe WhOle bLoOdY nEiGhBoRhOoD WiLl hEaR mE, tHiS iS aN OUTRAGEOUS SCANDAL!" he declared in subdued rage, desperately trying to lower his voice and keep his mental health, alas, but in vain...

It took two extra intense sedative pills from Petunia's prescriptions to get him back to his wits and to reasonable self-control...