Wildflower | Phan

Chapter 11

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~alina (twitter-killjoydan)

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Phil and I sat in a coffee shop one day after our lesson. Phil took small sips of coffee and giggled the most adorable giggle I had ever heard. We talked about everything, and nothing at all. Phil discussed my progress in piano playing, and I blushed shyly. It felt like we were on a date. Everything was perfect, except for one thing, there was something wrong with Phil.

No matter how happy he seemed, no matter how loud he laughed, there was something wrong. I could see it in his eyes. It was almost like he wasn't even in the moment, like he was somewhere else, somewhere I longed to be. He was upset about something, and I wanted to know what it was. I wanted to fix it. 

"-and then it went all over the place" Phil finished, taking a sip of his coffee

"I did that once" I said with a small smile

Phil began to doze off staring out of the window. I hated seeing him like this. He wasn't right. I grabbed his hand and that caused him to look at me

"Phil, are you okay? Somethings bothering you, I can tell" I said so quietly

"What are you talking about? I am just fine"

He said it so casually.

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me, right? You can trust me" I say, squeezing his hand just a bit tighter

"I know, but there really isn't anything wrong, I promise" he replied with a soft smile

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that everything was okay. But I just couldn't. I knew there was something wrong, I could tell. Im very good at reading people. Even though Phil has been hard to read in the past, I was sure this time. I needed to fix him. 

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"Dan, how many days have you gone without drinking?" Phil asked, now back in the apartment

"Um... since the day you got rid of it all. So like, three days?" I say, not knowing why he was asking

"Thats great, Dan! Im proud of you" he said, pulling me into a hug

A tight hug.

I took a moment to smell his hair. It smelled amazing. It smelled like shampoo. He pulled away from the hug, going to sit on the couch. I felt sad. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. I really wished that Phil would remember that night at Island Spice where he kissed me. Then I could actually try to discuss it with him without him freaking out.

I joined Phil on the couch. He was reading a book while humming a tune.

"Whatcha humming?" I ask, slightly curious

"Oh, nothing really. Just a random melody thats stuck in my head"

"But what song is it from?" I say, prying

"Its not from a song. Just a random tune"

Maybe its from a song that he possibly wrote.

I glanced down to see what he was reading, but then I noticed something on Phil's arm, something I wish I had never seen.

Scars.

All up his arms.

How did I not notice before? Are they recent? What caused them?

Did he do it to himself?

"Phil, what are these scars here?" I say, pointing to them

"What? Oh, look at that, I didn't even notice. Must have been a paper cut or something"

Phil, you may be great at lying, but you're not fooling anyone.

I decided that I should drop the subject for now, even though I really wanted to make sure he was okay. He would tell me when he is ready. But if I see one more scar on his angelic skin, I would cry. 

I wanted to hug him and kiss his head and tell him how beautiful he was and that he didn't need to hurt himself. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I wanted to tell him that everything was gonna be okay.

"Phil-"

"Im tired, Im gonna go to bed" he says, cutting me off

He saw it coming. He's avoiding the subject

"Goodnight, my Wildflower" Phil said, walking towards his bedroom

Wait.

Wildflower. He called me a Wildflower. Thats what he called me right before he drunkenly kissed me. And he said my Wildflower. As if I belong to him. Was.. Am I missing something? Why did he call me his Wildflower? The only way he would have called me that is was if...

Oh god.

He remembers.