Wildflower | Phan

Chapter 10

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~alina (twitter-killjoydan)

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Our piano lessons kept going. We just practiced the same stuff we had done the previous lessons, figuring out what notes make different chords.

"And as you just figured out, G, D, and B make a G chord. Good work today!" Phil said excitedly

"Thank you, I do have the best teacher in town" I say, nudging him slightly

"Oh hush" he replies, blushing

He is so goddamn cute. 

I followed the same routine for a while. I woke up at noon, drank a little bit to keep it in my system, and then met Phil at the music store around 5 o'clock, when it closed. It was a pretty good routine, I must say. Even if I am cutting out a lot of my drinking and clubbing. 

Phil was about to get up from the piano to lock up, but I held him back down, there was something I wanted to ask him

"What was that for, Dan?" Phil asks, my hand still on his shoulder from pulling him down

"I just have a quick question" I say, finally releasing my grip

"Okay, what is it?"

"Do you write songs?" I asked, relatively quickly

Phil just stared at me for what seemed like forever, but I didn't know why. This isn't a very hard question to answer

"Um... no. No I don't" Phil said, getting up to lock the store. This time, I let him

Being usually good at reading people, Phil is making it hard. Phil is very hard to read. I couldn't tell if he was lying or not. He said the words with a straight, calm tone. But he got up so quickly, as if he were trying to avoid the topic. He was so confusing. I was going to get to the bottom of him... well... not literally at the bottom of him. Although that would be nice.

Wouldn't it?

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It was 2 am and I couldn't sleep. I could hear Phil's heavy breathing coming from the other room, he was all I could think about. I needed a distraction. Something to take my mind off of Phil. So, of course, I turned to alcohol. 

I went over to the fridge to grab a beer but to my surprise, there wasn't any in there, I didn't remember running out, but I probably didn't remember that I had run out last time I was drunk. I searched the fridge for something else, but also to my surprise, there was no alcohol in there at all. Confused, I went over to the wine cabinet, which I barely used, and that was empty as well. I didn't believe it. Had somebody robbed my apartment or something? I continued trying to find some sort of alcoholic beverage when I heard a voice from behind.

"Looking for something?" Phil said quietly, as if there was someone else sleeping that he didn't want to wake up

Phil. What have you done?

"Well, I couldnt sleep. So I was just trying to-"

"Get drunk?" Phil interupted. He was good.

"Ummm... yeah" I say, rubbing the back of my neck

"Well, Im afraid you can't do that" He said, sitting on the kitchen counter

"Why the hell not?" I say, wanting an answer

"I disposed of all the alcohol in this house"

It was Phil. Phil took all of the drinks. But why?

"Why the hell would you do that? I don't go throwing away your cereal!" I said angrily, although it was impossible to be angry at Phil.

"Cereal doesn't put your life in danger, Dan"

"So?"

"So, Im trying to help you!" Phil said, it sounded like he was about to cry

"...What?" I said softly, sitting on the counter next to him

"I got rid of it because I don't want you drinking anymore. At least, not to the extent that you do. Its unhealthy and it makes your brain do weird stuff and Im trying to help you"

All I could do was stare at him. He did all of this, to help me? He was trying to protect me. He was trying to help me overcome this. He was trying to help me survive.

"Phil... I-"

"Its okay, I know you probably thought I got rid of it to make you mad. Im sorry if I upset you" He said looking down at the floor

"No, Phil you didn't upset me at all. I... I actually didn't think you cared about me that much to even do something like that" I say softly

"Well, of course I care about you. You're my best friend. I lo-... I appreciate everything you've done for me" He finished quickly

Pause. Hold everything. Was he about to say I love you? No, he doesn't love me, at least not in that way. Who would?

"And I appreciate you" I say, grabbing his shoulder

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him so fucking badly it hurt. But I couldnt. He just moved in, and I don't want him to move out. But, did he feel the same way about me? Was he about to tell me he loves me? Damn it, Phil.

"Goodnight, Dan" whispered Phil, he squeezed my hand as he jumped off the counter and back into his room.

I didn't know what to do. Phil actually cares about me, he just proved that. But I didn't know what to do about us. I still didn't understand why I felt this way about him. He called me his best friend. Ugh, friend. But why did I want to be more than friends with Phil all of a sudden? Where did this all begin?

Oh, right.

It started out with a kiss. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss.

It was only a kiss.