One Step Ahead

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Sabi sa akin noong high school ako, 'wag daw muna mag-boyfriend dahil marami pa sa college, so I just focused on my studies instead of entertaining boys. I always believed that so when I attended college, tinatak ko na sa isipan ko na dapat dito, magkakaroon na ako ng first ever boyfriend.

But I was scammed. Hindi totoong marami pa sa college dahil karamihan sa kanila ay in a relationship na. So I graduated college without even experiencing the lovelife I hoped for.

Ngayong graduate na ako, I made it my goal that after landing a job, I'll find myself a lover. Hindi naman mataas ang standards ko. Sa tingin ko din naman, okay yung mukha ko. Marunong naman akong mag-ayos, malinis din ako sa katawan, I even graduated as cum laude and my fashion sense is always on point! Kaya hindi ko talaga malaman kung bakit wala pa din akong boyfriend hanggang ngayon.

"Shot nalang natin 'yan sis! Sabi kasi sa'yo sabay na tayong mag-apply para sabay din tayong magmukmok kapag rejected, eh."

I am with Julie, my best friend ever since I can imagine. Nasa loob kami ngayon ng isang Korean BBQ Grill, nagtutungga ng panlimang bote ng soju.

Yes, aside from my problem of finding a lover, I am also facing a conflict with my career. Pangalawang TV station na itong inapplyan ko, and both of them rejected me. I don't know if the problem is in me or sa employer but one thing I'm sure of is that tangina nilang lahat! Sinayang nila ako.

My childhood dream was to become an engineer but high school made me realized that being an engineer is not as easy as it is. I am not that good in math, so I accepted that engineering is not for me. Noong nalaman ko na aside from being an engineer, wala na akong alam kung anong gusto ko gawin in the future, I invested myself in reading different in demand jobs in the near future. I also attended different webinars about choosing the right career suited for me.

That time, I never knew that the career I am searching for is not written in any books I've read nor presented to any webinars I have attended. It was on the drama series I am watching, a Korean drama series.

Gusto ko maging producer ng isang reality shows, ng mga talk shows, variety shows or even movies! Sa dramang napanood ko kung saan umiikot sa buhay ng mga taong nagtatrabaho sa likod ng camera, doon napukaw ang atensyon ko. That was the moment I knew that I want to be one of the person behind the masterpieces people watch on the big screen.

There was also a scene in the drama where they call producers as "PD-nim" and from there, I felt my heart flutter from hearing those words. Parang ang saya pakinggan kapag tinawag kang ganoon. And I made it my goal to be called as PD soon, no matter what it takes. So I made my choice and majored in Film, a college program aligned to what I want to become even though that means I'll be leaving my home town.

Pumunta ako ng Manila kasama si Julie dahil parehas ko, iyon ang gusto namin pareho. My parents were always supportive of me, kaya kahit na malayo ang Manila ay pinayagan nila ako. I am just very thankful that they did not make me took up a college program against my will.

"Julianna," I called her with her full first name.

"Ew ha, tigilan mo ako, Deanna Astrid," she called me by my full first name also. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa pangalan kung bakit ayaw niya na talaga ang tinatawag na ganoon.

"Tell me what's wrong with me, pangit ba ako? Mabaho ba ang hininga ko? Amoy p-putok ba ako?" seryoso kong saad habang nakatingin sa kanya.

"Tangina, lasing ka na," sagot niya na parang hindi makapaniwala.

"Come on, promise I won't be hurt. Just be honest with me."

"Ano na naman bang trip mo?"

"I am just really curious if the problem is in me. You do know I never had a boyfriend. I already received two rejections and for sure, more rejections are ahead of me. Sa akin ba talaga ang may mali?"