Crossing Infamy

Chapter 2 - Agent Cassanova

I love her.

This isn't the first time I've thought that, of course. I've known I've loved Becca for over a year and I've told her so. This is different, though. It's not a discovery, a dramatic realization of feelings I didn't know I had, but rather a reminder of what I never should have forgotten. I love her so, so much, and now that I'm finally with her, close to her, not distracted or stolen away by some all-consuming UNBI case, the full force of those feelings are fully hitting me, fully sinking in.

I'm not hiding. I'm not distracted. I'm not chasing something else. She's perfect and I love her and she's all I want.

After the disaster two months ago, when mere minutes after my discovery Kalix Raven managed to escape Japan and the UNBI's grasp, I was finally forced to see what the case had become to me: an obsession. It had taken over my life, messing with my relationships, my mental health, my sleep... Every second of every day was about her, about Codebreaker, and it was slowly tearing apart my— well, my sanity. I decided to take time off, something Captain Rhonsen was more than happy to agree to, and here I am. Instead of ignoring the world around me to analyze every last detail of some security footage, or dark web message, or computer program I can't even understand, I'm at home with the one person who matters more than anything.

It's such a simple thing, a casual situation, and yet it's everything. I feel safe, comfortable, happy. Becca always makes me feel that way, even when we're just lying on the couch, watching a drama program on the teleholo. Well, she's watching the program. I'm watching her.

How could I not? How could anyone expect me to focus on a bunch of fictional neighbours and their secrets, arguments and interpersonal drama when I'm sitting next to the kind, empathetic, beautiful woman who loves me?

She places her arm around me, pulling me closer, and I rest my head against her shoulder and let my eyes drift back to the teleholo. In an unrealistically interior-designed living room, the well-dressed businesswoman Jasmine talks to her not-really-a-friend Amy, who doesn't know about the former's affair with her husband... Technically, the audience isn't supposed to know, either, but come on. The clues weren't exactly subtle, and investigation is literally my job. At least this time I didn't point it out to Becca. When I told her about Constana and Rena's secret wedding, she threw a pillow at me and shouted, "Hey! Spoilers!" even though it wasn't a spoiler, I'd just figured it out.

Onscreen, a phone rings, and my interest drifts away again as it fades into a new scene following up on a plotline Becca told me about from last season, which I never actually watched. My eyes start to wander from the TH, travelling across the cushy corner sofa to the opposite armrest where my own phone lies. Maybe I should log onto the UNBI website, see if there's anything new on the case. After all, my leave of absence ends tomorrow, I'm basically back already, and I don't want to show up unprepared—

No. Not now. Not with her. I glance up at my girlfriend, who's completely absorbed in the adventures of Corea Hale and Lucas Something-Or-Other and their— Are they in a secret relationship, too? How many secret relationships are there on this show? Anyway, the point is, she's happy watching her favourite show, I'm happy with her, and I promised her I wouldn't work. That's what matters. She's what matters.

Besides, I know if I so much as look at my work email before I'm really back, I'll practically be able to hear Grey's voice in my head saying that's not how mental health leave works, Cassie. I promised him I'd take time off, too — actual, real time off, with no secret working. And at least this time it was my decision, not Captain Rhonsen suspending me...

My eyes just automatically did a little sarcastic roll thing, as if reminding me that I might still be mad at him for that.

Just a little.