High C

10. Olé!

Eventually, Alvin did make it back to the table just in time for Bob to laugh hysterically at his own terrible joke about joining a cricket club, unaware it was a sport. The family eventually migrated to the living room where at Natasha's urging Bob hooked his phone up to the television to show them pictures of his trip to Paris. After recovering from a few wrongly-swiped images of grotesque foot ailments on a 4K screen, the Loys soon realized they'd been tricked into a photo-tour of Paris, Ontario, which for some reason consisted mainly of shots of the same buildings taken from the ground up.

"What's with the angle?" Alvin asked Bob impatiently.

"I tripped on some loose cobblestone and dropped like a corpse. I snapped these as evidence in case I had to sue the city for damages."

As picture after picture included sidewalk, Alvin gripped the arms of his chair. "Were you badly hurt?"

"No, turns out I was fine."

"Then why the hell did you take so long to get up?" Alvin was on his way out of the room again before Bob could answer.

After the slideshow, the family got halfway through watching a movie and decided to call it a night.

Upstairs in Natasha's room, once she was sure the door was locked, she high-fived Bob and laughed in maniacal triumph as quietly as she could.

"How'd I do?" Bob asked.

"You were great! They can't stand you!"

"You think?"

"I know it!"

"Did you see your father's face when I sat in his recliner?"

"I thought he was going to bite through his lip!"

"And what about your mom when she said her New Year's resolution was to do something different with her hair and start working out again?"

"And you told her she could join a senior's mall walk and be there right when salons open! Did you see DeeDee and I flinch? I was sure she wanted to clip you. She's dying of embarrassment already!"

"I take an improv class every now and then to keep myself on my toes."

"You're going to have to try harder with DeeDee, though. She likes you."

"What makes you say that? Did she say so?" Bob's ears started getting warm.

"I can tell. She has a soft spot for weirdos."

"She's nice. Seems very patient. Quiet, but not shy though. Kind of..."

He was going to say sweet, but he knew it was too simple a description from his impression of her.

"She's the sensible one," Natasha said, cutting into his thought with a word that also seemed inadequate, "and she's very protective of me. If she approves of you she could persuade my parents to and that's no good."

"So what do I have to do? Yell at you?"

"No, that's too easy. Can't give them any inarguable grounds for objection. Tomorrow morning we're going Christmas shopping. You and she go off so you can buy me something that proves you don't know me at all or don't care what I like. Thoughtless gifts really rub her the wrong way."

"Like a blender?"

"Sort of, but she loves cooking and she might think it's great even though I'd hate it."

"How about I buy you some overalls and say I think you need to cover up?"

"Closer. Some ugly clothes would be good. You should know I hate bright colours. Espcially red and blue."