𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 • k. ayato

15

☄. *. ⋆

It was nighttime, just like any night, with the bedroom's doors open to the private inner garden, with the cool breeze rushing in, the distant smell of the various flowers of the garden inundating with the schematic bedroom aroma; it was simply oozing with domesticity.

She knew she didn't fit the aesthetic of the setting of this estate; her yukata was wrinkled, her eyes were bloodshot, and rid of color, amplified by the violet eyebags hanging low, and her hand was firm around a bottle of wine. 

How tired she was of experiencing these rollercoasters of anguish.

But when she closed her eyes, she could clearly see herself... no, an imitation of what she should be. A strong, and brave woman. And yet, just seeing her brother sent her back into a spiral of feelings she could not explain and wanted nothing to do with. 

For some time now, things have been getting better, but when she looks back at all the moments she spent happy, she becomes disgusted. How stupid has she been, thinking that life could continue to be so easy and bright?

But it's fine now. She was going to let go of it all.

As she was busy drowning in that transparent image of herself, she didn't even notice that a familiar figure had sat down beside her. His voice was low, a humming buzz, barely reaching the insides of her ears.

"[Y/N]? Hey, are you awake?"

Finally, she opened her eyes, her mind becoming clear once more. She turned to look at Ayato, whose face was covered in needless worry. Was she so useless she had to constantly make this man worry for her? He has always been so valiant, yet she paled in comparison. 

This man, whom she thought she'd be able to help was much stronger than her. Why would such a person ever need her? Wasn't she being the thing she most feared to be? A burden. She was certain he has begun realizing all of this by now.

Then again, what was the point of her worrying about that? Whether he kills her or not would not change anything. This world wouldn't change if she was gone, and neither would the people. Everything would go back to how it was before long.

"[Y/N], please talk to me. I heard you threw up, what happened? Are you alright?" His voice could be heard once more, but she yet again closed her eyes, plopping her head on his shoulder.

"Ayato... just kill me already."

For a moment, Ayato was frozen. He could hear his blood pulsating in his ears; a sound which he detested the most. He clenched his fists, eyes darkening at what he had just heard. 

Looking down at the woman who was leaning against him, who was being bathed in the moonlight, he felt nothing but bitterness.

"What on earth are you talking about?" He whispered, "Just what are you telling me to do? Do you even hear yourself?" 

After a moment of no response from the woman, he grabbed her arm, turning her to look at him. Her eyes were now open, but no life could be seen in them. He felt so unbearably upset.

"You're really... You're the most idiotic person I have ever met!"

The bottle of wine she was holding was now spilled all over the floor, soaking a part of her yukata. A sense of deja vu washed over her. Her eyes had widened just a tad, and she whispered, "What...?"

"You're the sort of idiot who'll put too much faith in your ability, charge ahead without thinking, and destroy yourself. Just as you are doing right now! Just as you were when you came here! Seriously, how could ask me to do such a thing? Why can't you ask me for help? Must you always insist on taking everything upon yourself? Do you not yet trust me? Or do you not yet realize that I am by your side? Is It I who is preventing you from talking about your struggles? On the first day of our vacation, we made a promise, didn't we? So rely on me, will you?"

Ayato's voice had risen up. He has never once reacted so fiercely to something. He has never once begged someone to live. As his grip around [Y/N]'s arms tightened, he looked her straight in the eyes, "I know what you want to say. I bet you're dying to ask who am I to know of your struggles, but I've decided to do as I please... use whatever strategies I choose, and no matter what you say or want, I will save you."

He felt her body shake in his grip, and he brought her into an embrace, letting her tears stain his clothes, and her sobs engulf his ears. He wanted so badly to release her of her shackles. Of her brother, and all that she felt for him. He knew without a doubt that all of this was because of him, because of the person she loved the most.

He hates you—she thought.

He hates you. Even if he holds you, he hates you.

"Without fail," he whispered, "I will keep you safe. So do not hold back. Ask me of whatever, and do whatever you please. Don't think about anything else. Live with only yourself in mind. Do not feel burdened by seeing me. I'll beg if you want me to because to me, you are above everyone else."

She thought he hated her, yet he continued to pour such sweet words into her mind.

Damn it all, why can't you just hate me?

Why won't you just kill me and be rid of me?

She thought all that, but was this truly what she desired?

"Ayato..." she spoke weakly, clinging onto his shirt. Of course, it wasn't.

His scent was all around her, and the warmth of his embrace and the saccharinity of his tone were just what she needed to hear. How could she ever wish for such a man to reject her?

"Don't hate me, please... Promise me you won't leave me, promise me you won't kill me, please... I beg of you... I'll do whatever it takes, just please don't..."

Ayato's heart crumbled at such words. Just how much was all of this messing with her? He had not yet realized the full extent of what she was feeling, after all, just how much did he truly know of her feelings?

He stroked her hair gently, holding her even tighter, "I promise."

He truly meant all that he said, he truly wanted her to feel free and secure around him. He was certain that whatever she did, he would forgive it all. Whether she one day decided to betray and stab him in the back or stay with him till the very end, he would be forevermore grateful to have had her in his life.

"I promise you, with all my heart."

An hour or so passed, and [Y/N] began calming down, her crying had now quieted down.

She sniffled, staying close to him, "My brother... I wonder if he hates me," she said.

Ayato hummed, "Wherefore would you think so?"

"His desire is to kill me. Doesn't that mean... he despises me with his entire being? Aren't I someone who makes him miserable?"

Ayato stayed quiet for a moment, he was glad she was finally confiding in him in regards to the coup situation, "Hm, he was here today, was he not? Did he seem thirsty for your blood?"

[Y/N] shook her head, mumbling a silent, "No."

"Then... why didn't you ask him? Did you doubt yourself?"

Once again she mumbled, "No," yet, she clung to Ayato's shirt tighter, "I do not doubt my father's words... I suppose I only... Perhaps I... simply do not wish to hear the truth. I am afraid of it. So utterly afraid. What if he truly does loathe me? What do I do then?"

"Then you must confront him about it once more. I see how much you love your brother, and I cannot say for sure I wouldn't be in such dire distress as you are if I learned that Ayaka wished to kill me, nevertheless... I would not run away from it. I have discovered that it is a dangerous thing to do... running away. So do not be afraid."

Ayato pulled away, a loving smile on his face. He brushed a few stray tears away from [Y/N]'s face, and parted his lips to speak, "I shall stick by you through it all," he leaned in to kiss her forehead, then her cheek, then her other cheek, "I shall always stand beside you. Even If it means losing my life, I will not let go of you."

☄. *. ⋆